Friday, July 17, 2009

Motivation v. Commitment

My motivation is flagging today. My commitment is not.

It was hot today. At least in my mind where anything over 80 is hot. It makes me cranky and sweaty and uncomfortable.

Breakfast was left over dinner from last night. Not the best as it was too low on fiber. Then lunch was cereal and by the time dinner rolled around I was hungry and made my old stand by of shrimp, veggies and pasta. It's not high in calories, but it's very filling and now I just feel like a big sweaty beached whale.

I can feel myself getting bored with entering all my foods in Sparkpeople, and having to think about my meals and plan them out. But the commitment means that I will do these things anyway, even though I don't feel like it. Even though that little voice is saying "this isn't going to work, give up now." And it isn't even like giving up would mean "yay, ice cream and brownies and fried chicken!" It would just mean a few more snacks during the day like english muffins with butter, letting the yoga practice slide (nah, that'll never happen, that feels way too good), getting careless with my serving sizes letting them creep up and up, and eating even when I've had enough.

Typing that out I see that the only thing I would be giving up would be mindfulness about what I'm eating. I mean really, is that so difficult to maintain? I'm not depriving myself of anything here. I love the activies that I've been doing and wouldn't stop for anything. And there is no food I can't eat, as long as I just keep the amounts within the limits of what my body needs.

Do people think, "oh it's so difficult to keep track of what is in my bank account. Screw that, I'm going to be free and not do it and just spend what I want." That's not freedom. That's heading towards over drawn accounts and no savings.

Same with not paying attention to what I'm eating. That's not freedom either. That just leads to where I am now and where I was 8 or so pounds ago.

So, I will continue on. And I will try to do what ever yoga my full belly will allow of me tonight. And I will pack a day-pack for a hike tomorrow or Sunday. And I will plan out some new meals for the week. And I will just keep going, because I am commited to this even when my motivation falters.

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