Intuitive Eating Tuesday

So, here's how my experiment with intuitive/mindful eating went on Tuesday. Intuitive is the "eat what your body wants when you want it" part, and mindful is the "be there when you are eating it" piece.

Breakfast was raisin walnut toast with almond butter. Intuitive score: 90%, I was hungry and it was what I wanted. Mindful score: 50%, I ate it at the couch while reading blogs, but I did stop a few times and notice the texture, smell, etc. Suggestion: go back to the dinner table.

Lunch was prepared at home and brought to work. It was the rest of the broccoli soup poured over the remains of some Annie's mac & cheese and grassfed burger from last night. It was actually very good. Intuitive scale: 90% it was what my body wanted - carbs, veggies, some protein. Mindful scale: 50%. I ate it in front of the computer at work while writing a blog post and then left it for a while while I met with a client. Suggestion: go eat at the little round table in your office. Try eating half the meal there.

There was no snacking at work and lunch left me satisfied. I think bringing ice water helped.

Around 4 I had a snack of the heel end of the raisin bread, and a piece of cheese and a pear. Intuitive scale: 80%, it was what I wanted and I was a bit peckish but I had to eat it at 4pm since I had yoga at 5. Mindful scale: 50%. I ate it in my car, slowly, but while toodling around on my phone. Suggestion: get out of the car and sit on a bench and eat.

Dinner: I got home from yoga at around 7 and checked in with my hunger. Not hungry. Had a beer. Intuitive: 100%. Mindful: 90%. Beer is yummy and the post yoga beer is a good one. Waited to see if I'd get hungry. Decided to have a pear around 8 (probably hunger and a little thirst.) 8:30pm. Slight hunger but everything in my house involves cooking so I'm going to just have a glass of milk. While sitting at the table. Being present with it.

"You can have the other words-chance, luck, coincidence, serendipity. I'll take grace. I don't know what it is exactly, but I'll take it. "

— Mary Oliver. My favorite poet, talking about my word of the year for 2011.

Intuitive Eating Monday & Removing Labels

Breakfast was served at the kitchen table, sans computer, but with my book. Baby steps people. I did pause and become aware of my raisin toast, the smell of the almond butter, the crunch of the bread, the taste of the milk.

Since I was going to be out of the house for lunch, I had to figure out what to do about the "eat what you want when you want it" since I was preemptively trying to figure out what I'd want. I packed some broccoli soup (with extra broccoli!), 2 slices of olive bread, and a piece of cheese. Chances were high that I would want those things when I got hungry because they are tasty and awesome.

I was right. I got hungry for lunch around noon, and heated the soup and ate it with the bread and cheese. I did eat in front of my computer. And I would say my mindfulness level was about 60%.

It's about an hour later and I'm noticing some slight hunger. I'm also noticing that my lukewarm water is not very appealing, so I fetched a cold bottle from the work fridge. Probably bringing a bottle with some ice in it and keeping it in the fridge will be a good plan going forward.

I have an apple here, too.

There are some deadlines coming up for things that have consequences and I'm a bit fuzzy on some of them and waiting for responses from people has my stomach feeling weird, and my mind going on about things. Making room for and acknowledging those physical sensations and thoughts and moving forward with my work and commitments. The same way I feel the physical sensation of pain and tingling in my arm and hand (not heart attack type) and acknowledge it and move forward. And call the acupuncturist again.

I'm trying to move away from "Oh god this is so stressful" towards taking the label off of things and looking at the ingredients. "Stressful" is the label of something, like tax time. But if you take the label off and look at the ingredients you'll see: due date, paperwork, gathering of information, necessity of hiring professional for assistance, financial outlay, increased financial outlay and increased communication from government entity if due date not respected. You also see that you can deal with each one of those ingredients, and some of them are only optional and within your control.

The same way I try to move away from "Oh god I'm anxious." I just pull of the label and look inside - yeah, your stomach feels weird, your heart is beating faster than normal, your arms feel heavy your mind is alerting you to Danger. WTF else is new? Seriously. Enough of that shit. I've got a life to live.

"You want to cry aloud for your mistakes. But to tell the truth the world doesn't need any more of that sound." — Mary Oliver

Intuitive Eating Sunday Part 2

2:15 The Mindful Banana. Did some cleaning and then sat to read more of Women, Food and God. Noticed myself getting hungry. Waiting a bit to see if it was actual hunger. Did mental calculation of food eaten today to see if I "should" be hungry. Decided to have a banana. Ate the banana mindfully - sitting at the table. Looking at the slices (I eat my bananas sliced with a fork.) Smelling it. Feeling it. Then decided to try the same exercise with chocolate chips. Put 10 chocolate chips in the dish. Smelled them. At them one by one, noticing eat one and what it tasted and felt like. And what I felt like as I ate it. Ate a small piece of chedder cheese the same way. Took about a half hour to eat those 3 things. Then had a big glass of ice water.

Thought - this mindful eating takes a long time. How will I do this tomorrow? What will I pack for lunch? Will I look freakish if I do this in front of other people. Note to self: come back to the present moment. Be here now. Also, eat what your body wants when you are hungry. And stop when you've had enough.

What does your body want? When have you had enough?

6:30pm. Home from Restorative Yoga class. 2 hours of bliss ending with a head and neck massage. Having a fresh squeezed grapefruit juice with some Bacardi Gold. Heated up broccoli soup, and made 2 runny fried eggs (from my sister's chickens) to put over some rice. A few chocolate chips for dessert. My belly feels just full enough.

I think my body was deprived of vegetables yesterday, which explains all the broccoli soup. And I began thinking of the runny eggs over rice in a bowl during yoga class.

I ate what I wanted when I was hungry. And now that I feel like I've had enough, I'm stopping. Which I guess is the point.

Intuitive Eating Sunday Part 1.

In which I live blog my Intuitive eating experiment.

Morning, coffee because I love it and it brings me joy. After about an hour I had a slice of raisin walnut bread with almond butter. I thought about how I had 2 loaves of bread delivered on Wed. and they are each about half gone. I thought about how glad I was that they are both still fresh since that's not giving me the "I must eat these fast so they don't go stale" thoughts. The toast was good.

11am. Packing the car up to go to the dump. Feeling a little hunger. Thought "I'd better eat something since I'm leaving the house." Thought about what I wanted, a glass of milk. Sat and drank the milk. Thinking that I'm probably also thirsty so I packed a water bottle to bring on my errands.

11:30 Errands done and back home. Feeling hungry. Had a glass of ice water while I thought about what I wanted. I have 4 broccoli stalks that need to be used. I'm making cream of broccoli soup from Joy of Cooking. All 4 stalks used. Realizing that if I want to eat at the table instead of the couch I have to clear the table and figure out where important papers and binders go.

An inhospitable table, with binder with work stuff, a book for my niece, AAA membership renewal, a sweater, a make up bag, a cookbook, some headphones, and of course the requisite pink piece of construction paper where I write down how much I weigh.

Cleared the table and actually found proper places for everything. Including lunch.

12:29 Done with lunch. I sat at the table with a bowl of soup, and 2 slices of olive bread. The soup was very good. I noticed while I ate what it tasted like, and how full I was feeling. Things I normally don't notice when I'm eating while being on the internet or watching a show. I realized that I wish I'd left more large pieces of broccoli in it, so after eating I added more chunks to the soup, for next time I eat some. Right now I feel 70% full. Comfortable, but giving it some time. My senses feel satisfied. My body feels fueled. My refrigerator feels happy to not have so much broccoli in it waiting to be used.

12:48 Had a second bowl with more broccoli chunks. Now I am 85% full. Still comfortable but not hungry for more. My stomach and my mind are done eating.

Plan for the rest of the day: clean, restorative yoga at 4, eating what I want when I'm hungry. Feeling what I feel when I feel it. Radical.

Books and Food and Yoga (And washing your yoga mat.)

I recently started reading Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything by Geneen Roth. It's a bit similar to the other book I'm reading Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha. Both emphasize the importance of being present, practicing acceptance of thoughts and feelings and not running away from them and things like that.

Women, Food and God made me think about all the reason I eat (and not necessarily overeat) other than being hungry:

1. Convenience. It's morning and time to go to work, so I have to eat breakfast since I'm not going to bring a toaster and almond butter to work work.
2. Because I'm going to yoga or on a bike ride and need to fuel up so I don't keel over during class or on my ride.
3. Because I'm going out with friends and even though I'm not really hungry now I have to eat otherwise I'll end up having to eat bar food when I get hungry and that's gross.
4. Because I'm going out with friends and I need some bread in my stomach since I'm going to have drinks.
5. Because I'm at work and bored.
6. Because I'm thirsty and don't realize it.
7. Because the food tastes good.
8. Because the restaurant gave me a big servings and I just keep picking at it.
9. Because it's meal time.
10. Because meal time is a long way off so I'll need a snack to get me there.
11. Because I just got home from work.
12. Because I need reach a certain number of calories or points for the day.

There's probably more.

Anyway, yesterday I decided to see what it would be like if I just paid attention to what my body wanted when it wanted it. Here's what I ended up with:

Pre yoga, 8am: slice of raisin walnut bread with almond butter.

Post yoga (driving to visit family. Per W,F & G you aren't supposed to eat in the car, but this was mindful eating) 11am: apple.

At my mom's around noon: piece of cheese and some Annies Cheddar Bunnies.

In someone's yard listening to a band, around 3: a beer.

At my sister's house before leaving to drive home: slice of cold pizza.

At home, before heading to a friends 6pm: slice of olive bread.

At my friend's house 7pm: glass of wine, a few tortilla chips with corn & bean salsa.

At nice restaurant, 9pm: lobster cakes over spinach. Yum. A grapefruit & vodka drink. Also yum.

Apparently if left to my own devices I will eat bread. I didn't feel overly hungry or overly stuffed at all. I was surprised to find that even though I hadn't really had lunch, I wasn't hungry until 4 or so. I had thought we were going to dinner at 8, but when we got there at 9 I wasn't wanting a huge entree. The lobster cakes were the perfect little thing. And I realized that we can go back again earlier if I want something else from there.

I realized that I sort of do the same thing with yoga, doing it sometimes for reasons other than just wanting to do it:

1. Because now is class time.
2. Because I won't be able to get to class over the next few days so I should go now.
3. Because this teacher only teaches at this particular time so I should go.
4. Because I don't want the teacher to feel bad if the class is smaller because I'm not there.
5. Because I should.
6. Because it's good for me.
7. Because I never regret going.
8. Because it's what I do.
9. Because I'm working on a pose and want to get better at it.
10. Because the studio is closed but I feel like I should do something at home.

Granted, doing yoga when I don't feel like it doesn't lead to feeling sluggish like eating when I'm not hungry does. But it can lead to a sloppy practice. I went yesterday morning due to reasons 1, 3, 5, and 6. I was sleepy. My arm hurt. The woman next to me arrived late and has a light blue mat that is streaked with brown dirt streaks. And she doesn't shower before class. I spent nearly the entire class distracted by how much she bothers me. I wanted to tell her not to be afraid to wash her mat. Or her hair. Although it appears she runs a flat iron through it before class. She wears $300 worth of lululemon to class and won't wash her mat. Or at least buy a darker colored one so the class doesn't have to look at her dirty one.

I decided during class that I don't actually have to go on Saturday mornings if I don't want to. I can find the teacher on Thursday nights at another studio. I won't be as sleepy and I think it will be less crowded.

Intuitive yogaing. Like intuitive eating. An experiment for the week.

Do you eat when you aren't hungry? Do you do yoga when you don't want to? Do you wash your mat at least once a week?

Finding My Balance

Whenever I do tree pose, I find myself thinking "I hate this pose. I can't balance. When is it over?" And of course, because I'm thinking that I can't balance, I can't balance.

I need to find some balance in other areas too.

Like my meals. I do really well some weeks having everything planned out and packed and feeling good through the whole day. Then there are days like today where I waited to long to eat breakfast (almond butter sandwich) and then lunch is beets, cauliflower and white rice. And a Sprite because my stomach feels weird and there was not ginger ale. A better choice might have been stopping at Whole Foods for some yogurt and an apple or cheese.

Let's plan better for the rest of the week, shall we?

And even my yoga practice is feeling unbalanced. Last week I went to a Foundation class on Tuesday night, then Level 1 on Thursday night, Level 1 on Friday morning, 2 hour beach walk on Friday afternoon (owie), Level 2/3 class on Saturday morning. Is it any wonder I got sick on Sunday? I need to figure out a good home practice so that during the beginning of the week I am building my stamina and not having so much of it crammed into Thursday - Saturday. I don't want to give up any of my end of the week classes, but I think I need a more intense practice on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday also.

How Not To Eat

Just a reminder to myself, and a word of caution to others. The following meal plan is a sure way to screw up your stomach and spend most of a torrentially rainy Saturday inside and lying around.

3pm Friday: Fried clams. Sam Adams. So good.

Restorative yoga class Friday night. So relaxing.

9am Saturday: 1/4 pita with almond butter, coffee. Could feel on the way to class this wasn't enough.

1.5 hour Level 2/3 yoga class.

12:30 Saturday: glass of milk. Kept trying to figure out what to eat. Nothing seemed good.

2pm Saturday: 1/2 bowl of brown rice, cabbage, egg, butternut squash. Couldn't finish. Belly not happy.

7 pm Saturday: 2 slices of Upper Crust pizza. (Belly needed carbs.)

I should have had something small Friday night. I should have had a hard boiled egg or something more at breakfast. I should have had a yogurt drink maybe after yoga to get some easily digestible calories in. I should have planned the entire 2 days better.

The pizza helped and hopefully by tomorrow I won't feel crappy, but let this be a lesson to me: be prepared. And take care of your body so it can do what it needs and wants to do.

Now I'm just going to lie in bed and watch Netflix.

What are your tips for pre and post workout meals?

Nothing feels as good as being comfortable in your skin

“If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred” ~ Walt Whitman

I spoke at a conference for eating disorder therapists yesterday. I'm an attorney so I gave a talk about health care proxies and guardianships in the context of people with eating disorders. It was very interesting, but sad to think about all those people so uncomfortable in their bodies they are willing to die.

I then went to lululemon to get some longer tanks for yoga class. (I got this one.) As I was picking out my tank, there were 2 girls in their early 20's next to me. Both thin and in good shape, one about 4 inches taller than the other. They were discussing a tank top and whether it would make them look fat. The taller one said she like the tank "but look at the size I would have to buy compared to your size." The shorter one "Well, you're much taller than I am." I felt very sad for them to be so consumed by those thoughts as they tried to buy those clothes (as I was for way too long at that same age, almost 50 pounds lighter than I am now) and very glad that I could shop without a care for what the size of my shirt was, only that it would fit me.

Then I get up to the counter to pay and the girls have an open container of almond butter on the counter. They are talking about whether they are "allowed" to have almonds on the cleanse they are doing. The one who had been about to eat some looked disappointed as the others said "No, no nuts." "I thought it said no peanuts but we could have almonds", said the hungry girl. "Maybe you could adjust the cleanse to fit what your body needs", said the nosey lawyer waiting to check out.

Maybe my senses were on hyperdrive on the look out for people in various stages of disordered eating or body image issues having just come from the conference, but it was so sad to be that a place that should be filled with people who want strong healthy bodies, was instead filled with people who felt horrible in their bodies or thought that having "no energy at all for 4 days on the cleanse, but then on the 5th day natural energy arose" was good for you. I paid for my tank and skeedaddled.

Yoga class yesterday morning was amazing. We worked on heart-opening back bends, which I need. We concentrated on lifting the heart and bending from the upper back, rather than just collapsing through the lower back which is what I usually do since it feels like I'm bending back more.

I'm traveling today and bringing my food with me since I don't like road food - apples, bananas, cantaloupe, lentils, a ton of chicken wings from Whole Foods for my brother to bbq (yum!). And my dad will make ice cream and someone will bring bread and cheese and there will be wine and beer and much merriment. It should be a very fun family get together with yard work and yoga and woods and waffles with maple syrup from the trees in the woods.

I feel like a bad blogger with no pictures. I'll try to get some this weekend.

I Love Bread

My love of bread pretty much explains the extra 30 pounds. Which is why I've been trying to keep it out of the house. Pita bread is fine to have because it doesn't taste like much and I can throw it in the freezer and be done. But last night I bought a baguette at Whole Foods (because I needed something to put the pate on) and proceeded to eat 1/4 of it in the car on the way home. And then another half of it with pate over the course of the evening, and will pretty much finish off the last bit today somehow, like at breakfast with butter on it maybe.

I did put everything into Sparkpeople, and over the course of the week I still come out ok, but mindful eating is a valuable skill I still am working on.

But, while it is delicious and certainly fine to have in moderation, I suppose it would be best to find small baguettes to bring home, or freezer portions in the freezer, or keep the groceries in the back of the car while I drive home.

Although, now that I'm sufficiently carb-loaded, maybe a hike would be a good thing.

I did also buy kiwis and apples and have lots of collards and veggies to get me through the week. And time to cook brown rice today.

Deep Cleansing Breaths

(fruit in my kitchen)

The coffee was definitely a good choice this morning. No foggy head today. Lunch was lentils and rice with collards and eggplant, and I was very excited to find that I had brought a small container of cauliflower with a little potato and mushroom.

I think this cleanse was good because it stripped away so many (all) of the things I had come to rely on to eat - bread & butter (I think that's genetic. My mother sometimes has bread and butter for dinner), the pretzels at work that aren't even satisfying but provide me with a distraction, ditto on the Newman's oreos at work, ditto on the granola bars at work, pasta servings that creep up and up in size. I don't really eat "junk" but I had gotten into a habit of eating all of whatever I'd made. Which is OK when it's all veggies, but doesn't feel good when it's other things.

I had also stopped putting thought into what I was eating, which left me with no packed lunch, and rushing to find something to bring to work, and not having it be nutritionally satisfying or filling, which lead to picking at snacks in the office, and then being hungry when I got home and not having the patience to put thought into dinner, and so on.

I had also cut back on exercise over the last few months. I wasn't moving and treating my body like I should. And now the more I move, the more I move. I went to yoga last night at 5:30, and was back on the mat at 6am feeling stronger than ever.

And now I am building this habit of reaching for fruit and veggies as my first line of defense, not as an afterthought. That is the value of this cleanse to me, not so much the "cleanse" but the chance to build new habits in the safety and boundaries of the cleanse. To have the options removed by some outside force, so I'm able to rebuild with the foundations. Then, once I have down the forming of my meals around plants, the eggs and meat and bread and butter can come back in, without hogging all the space like they did before.

I am not the Biggest Loser

It would have been easy to feel like a big loser today. My lunch of lentils, squash and collards just wasn't cutting it. I picked at it but didn't eat all of it. So of course when I came home I was too hungry and ate too much for dinner. It could have spiraled from there but thankfully there are no snacks (or bread or butter) in my house so my dessert was the rest of the grapefruit I had cut up. (BTW, red grapefruit is very sweet and tasty.) Then I pouted and wished for cookies and moved on.

The Biggest Loser is on Hulu tonight so I watched some of it while I cleaned my kitchen and the rest while I lifted my hand weights, stretched and did my sit ups.

I need to be getting more aerobic activity. I hate walking at night in the dark and cold. I am walking or snow shoeing on Friday, but I need something during the week that I'll actually do. I think this means I'll be joining the gym that is located in between work and home. 30 minutes on the treadmill will be good, and if I can get over being creeped out by weight machines that other people have sweated on (even if they clean them off) I will use those too, otherwise I'll keep up with my weights at home. But, something must be done.

Now it's tea and quiet time.

These Are The Days

These are the days I'm glad to come home to a fridge full of prepped food. I'm feeling impecunious and tired of running a business and that is what often leads to "if I have sushi, I'll feel better." Well, that may be true. But what also makes me feel better is not using food as a coping technique, allowing myself to feel crappy while still acting in a way that leads me towards what I value, and healthy things like that.

So I put on my cooking head-scarf and apron. I chop the leeks & zucchini, I thaw the shrimp, I boil the water for the pappardelle and then I'll mix it all together in a happy blend of pink and green. And I have some wine. And I track it in Sparkpeople and blog about it.

It's cold and I want tea. And warmth.

Coucous, Veggies & Fish

That's what I ate over the summer when I lost the 15 pounds. And I biked a lot. And did more yoga. Shouldn't be that hard to do again. I like couscous and veggies and fish. Yes, the winter vegetables are different but leeks and cabbage are lovely foods, and broccoli and kale are available, and all the lovely peppers I froze over the summer.

And, sure, it's too cold for biking and it's dark in the mornings and early in the afternoons but there are other options - walking in places where there are lights and not just in the woods, taking advantage of day light on the weekends, being ready for snowshoe weather.

The key is to just remember what I did back then (and it's all tracked on Sparkpeople, so I can read it) and do it now. And keep doing it. Easy peasy, right?

Last night's yoga was a lovely relaxing practice from Shiva Rea's Drops of Nectar. I'm going to do 21 days of yoga to get me started. Even just a few minutes a day, since I know that gets me down the path.

Plan:

B: Kashi's version of Grape Nuts & milk.

L: remainder of leek casserole, beets & something protein-ish.

D: something with the eggs I cracked this morning before realizing I wanted cereal. Maybe a veggie frittata?

E: Yoga, sit ups, maybe a walk.

Um, yeah

In surveying the results of this body neglect, we are pleased to find that only 4 pounds have been gained since last checking in, and not the 20 it feels like. The amount of flab that accumulated in the wake of the muscles making their exit is not quite so pleasing.

So, we return to the yoga mat, we return to the hills, we return to lifting weights and shooing the dog off the rug so we can do sit ups. We return to being more mindful of what goes in our mouth. We begin with willingness, not waiting for motivation.

Plan:

B: english muffin, almond butter, jam

L: leek casserole, potatoes

D: Turkey. Roast beets.

E: weights lifted this morning. walk or yoga this afternoon.

Still working on eating enough at breakfast and lunch so I'm not starving at dinner. Since this is my constant dilemma, you'd think I'd be better at solving it by now. But alas.

Anyway, I had shrimp fajitas for dinner. Lots of veggies, even if the tortillas were a bit high in calories.

And I walked the dog for about 15 minutes which is a start. I just wish I didn't start so slowly every time. And fall off track so easily.

I hate eating so much for dinner because it leaves me too full too long to do yoga in the evenings.

Tomorrow morning I will review the meals I was eating earlier this summer when this was easier, to get me back on track.

Oh, Hi.

I stocked up on veggies tonight at Whole Foods. I missed the farm stand on account of a wedding, catered by Red Bones (yum!). I am roasting some cauliflower with crushed red peppers to have on hand for lunches, and am going to make some whole wheat cous cous to get me through the week. Shrimp was on sale, so I'll peel and devein that for lunches or dinners. And I have some eggplant ravioli from Nella Pasta which is made locally.

The plan is some yoga before bed. I haven't done any in a while and I can feel my back being tighter and my sleep not being as good.

I would like to say that while my blogging slacked off, my exercising didn't - but that would be a lie. So, I'll say that I intend to do yoga before bed. I intend to remember what my routine is like when I'm in the habit of exercising and easily tracking my food. I intend to continue taking good care of my body and being mindful of what goes in it.

Why I Count Calories

So in the midst of horrible humidity and heat that affect my disposition like nothing else, I slacked off on tracking my foods. My weight has remained steady but I could tell that things were off. I was ravenous at times, yet never feeling really satisfied no matter what I ate.

And then it dawned on me that when I track my food I can make sure that I'm eating enough at breakfast and lunch so that I'm not too hungry when I get home for dinner. The last few days I haven't had enough at lunch to keep me going until evening, so when I get home I'm famished. And then I didn't plan enough protein at dinner, so what I ate didn't fill me up.

I'm going back to tracking. I know it works for me. I can't just "intuitively" spend money, and I can't just "intuitively" eat. I mean, I can form general meals in my head, but then I need to track them so I can tweak as necessary to add more proteins or fats or fiber to make sure my body is getting what it needs.

Plus, when I track I eat more veggies, so that's reason enough.

Recommitting

I need to recommit. This week has been a slow slide off the rails. Exercise got pushed aside. Yesterday's 1/2 eaten lunch caused way too much dinner and not even an attempt to track. I can hear a little voice saying "You've lost 10 pounds, you're fine. You can stop now."

But I don't want to. I like the way my body feels when I exercise more. I like not going to bed uncomfortably full. I am committed to this. And I have a plan.

I will spend the morning at the Farmer's Market, Whole Foods and Trader Joe's restocking my kitchen. I will chop fruit and veggies to have on hand. I will plan some meals so when I come home I can just cook and not wonder what to make.

And I will bike or yoga or lift weights.

Dinner Quandry

I can't figure out what to have for dinner. Tomorrow I can go and buy some new and exotic things to cook but tonight the salmon is staring back at me from the fridge and I don't want to cook it. And I don't want zucchini. Or anything involving english muffins. Or tuna. Or couscous. Or beets. Or chicken.

I want spicy shrimp over polenta with okra. But I have no shrimp. I want a grilled ham and cheese but I have no ham and no cheese.

I want to go to Kripalu for the Ecstasy of Chant: Get High on Mantra. How amazing would that be? I believe this weekend I will be making my reservations.

...

Well, I've settled on salmon and some paparadelle pasta.

Tomorrow will clearly involve a trip to Whole Foods and perhaps a perusal of some cookbooks to get me out of my rut of the same foods. I will stock my freezer and pantry full of new and interesting things, and maybe freeze some small flatbreads that I can turn into a quick meal.

This week has been a low exercise week. So I think I'm heading out with the dog for a little jaunt.

Being Done

A big challenge for me is "being done" eating in the evenings. I know that if I am too hungry when I get home I will eat something as a snack before dinner, then have dinner, and then before I even stop to think about whether I'm full, I'll have another little after dinner snack.

Or I used to do that.

I had to go to Whole Foods today on my way home for some veggies and shrimp and coffee beans (I could survive happily on a deserted island with those 3 foods to sustain me). And I was getting hungry. I needed something to tide me over on the ride home, but not something that I would eat all of or want to keep eating once I got home. So, I found some nice sharp chedder and had a bite of that. Just one small bite. I pictured it going into my stomach and providing my body with the maybe 50 calories of fat and protein that it needed to stave off full blown hunger. And because it was sharp it gave my mouth something to keep it occupied.

I came home and made dinner - shrimp (5 oz), Farro Pasta, leeks, mushrooms, and a tsp. of butter and 1/2 oz. of Parmesan cheese. Yum. And with a beer it was still within my calories for the day.

After I finished, I had the fleeting thought of - hmm, do I want something more? But then I realized that I had given my body all the fuel it needed for the day and that asking it to take on more wasn't that nice.

I had an awesome yoga practice last night. I did side one of Shiva Rea's Drops of Nectar, which has Moon Salutations, a second track with no instructions where I just did poses that I wanted to do, and then some breathing meditations and finally savasana. I slept very soundly.

Plan for the rest of the evening - dishes, prep coffee for the morning, yoga, sleep.