Gold Stars!

I'm handing out gold stars today. Just to myself since I'm the only one here, but feel free to award yourself some.

One for making my bed.

One for walking this morning.

One for voting.

One for packing a lunch (rice, roasted squash and plain tofu. Better than it sounds.)

One for having all my November bills paid. On time & in full!

One for having sore triceps from lifting weights.

One for tracking my food.

Big fuzzy things like being a good human being don't get gold stars. Those are a given and done because they are what you do. Like not getting money for good grades when I was in school because of course you got good grades, that's what is done.

And one for shutting the computer off at 8 p.m. and going to lift weights, write, and perhaps even sit.

Ends v. Means

So I'm doing that thing again where I think "there's too much around the middle here, it's uncomfortable" and I start walking and lifting my hand weights and thinking about what I eat and tracking it. Etc.

But this time I don't have a scale. I am not measuring success by the scale. The scale is not the end, with the actions being the means. The actions are the end.

When I get up and walk in the morning - success!

When I take some time to pack my lunch - success!

When I come home and make wicked yummy tofu & veggie stir fry over rice instead of macaroni & cheese - success!

When I lift my hand weights at night - success!

When I pack my stuff and go to yoga - success!

When I sit at the table to have a meal instead of perching on the sofa with the laptop - success!

When I have my glass of water instead of a second beer - success!

Hmm, 6 gold stars for me today!

Every single day, multiple times a day, I can and am succeeding. Each of these things is an end in itself. I don't need to wait for one day a week to be told whether I've succeeded or failed. I certainly don't need a number to tell me whether I've succeeded or failed (and if I do, I'll look for that number on my client roster or bank account or Christmas card list) and I don't need anything to say "those things aren't working." Because anything that gets my feet moving and heart pumping works, anything that gets my mind and soul chilled out works, anything that gets more veggies in my belly works, anything that makes my muscles stronger works.

That's what's working well in my brain today. The things that aren't working so well shall be journaled later. After I clean the kitchen and have tea. Ooh, 2 more gold stars.

I Found My Angusta!

(Angusta = big toe.)

Supta Padangusthasana (photo source & pose info)

My whole yoga career I have used a strap to do this pose, but last night my hand found my toe!

(photo source)

I was practicing some poses last night - some sun salutations, dolphin pose, plank. Then stretching in halasana (plow pose) and shoulderstand. I was holding my legs straight into my body as I rolled back down to lying down. As my shins were near my face I grabbed my big toes and realized I was in a sort of supta pada pose. I decided to explore it a bit. I lowered one leg down and kept my big toe of my other foot in my fingers and there I was in supta padangusthasana, with my angusta in my hand!

Now, the head of my arm bones could have been a little further back, my knee could have been a little straighter, but my hips were level, my legs strong and my body (and brain) realized that it is possible!

It felt good to be practicing at home. It's what I've been neglecting since I've been at the studio so much. And even though it was 10pm, I still managed to have a nice 1/2 hour practice before bed.

Also, my biceps are more defined which I noticed yesterday, too. Both of those things are good since I was feeling all lumpy and gross yesterday, and it was nice to see that while I may look lumpy on the outside, on the inside I am strong and flexible.

Weighing My Options

(me with my patented "take the photo from slightly above because it hides the extra chin" move. Sheet thrown over the back seat is to protect it from the dog.)

I'm lying in bed with my coffee, having just thrown little cookies about the yard to keep the dog occupied out there so I can have quiet morning time. I cut my hair short yesterday, and forgot for a minute when I woke up. Then I realized that short hair gets much more bed-headish than longer hair, which is easily rearranged into some sort of hip style.

I cut it because I was putting it back too much, in bandannas and hair bands while I walked or hiked or did yoga, and those things just started to annoy me and get fussy - so off it came. I love it.

I'm weighing my options for today - the day is chalk full of them: 9am beginning yoga, 10:30am level 2/3 yoga with a new teacher (wishing there was a some middle ground there), driving to a "Taste of..." event downtown, biking to the event (wishing I had a cruising bicycle with a big basket), driving to Cape Cod with my bike and biking there (probably won't happen), prancing around in my new yoga clothes and doing my hair. See, there are just so many things to choose from.

I fit into another pair of size 10 jeans yesterday. I had noticed my 12's were feeling baggier (remember "baggies"? those pants from the 80's that were all baggy and pleated and had elastic in the cuffs? um, no, I don't either), but I thought they just needed to be washed. I don't know if I've lost weight because I took the battery out of the scale.

Alright, it's 8:15 which is a proper time to get out of bed and make some decisions. Or at least go buy some hair products and do my hair all day.

Nothing feels as good as being comfortable in your skin

“If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred” ~ Walt Whitman

I spoke at a conference for eating disorder therapists yesterday. I'm an attorney so I gave a talk about health care proxies and guardianships in the context of people with eating disorders. It was very interesting, but sad to think about all those people so uncomfortable in their bodies they are willing to die.

I then went to lululemon to get some longer tanks for yoga class. (I got this one.) As I was picking out my tank, there were 2 girls in their early 20's next to me. Both thin and in good shape, one about 4 inches taller than the other. They were discussing a tank top and whether it would make them look fat. The taller one said she like the tank "but look at the size I would have to buy compared to your size." The shorter one "Well, you're much taller than I am." I felt very sad for them to be so consumed by those thoughts as they tried to buy those clothes (as I was for way too long at that same age, almost 50 pounds lighter than I am now) and very glad that I could shop without a care for what the size of my shirt was, only that it would fit me.

Then I get up to the counter to pay and the girls have an open container of almond butter on the counter. They are talking about whether they are "allowed" to have almonds on the cleanse they are doing. The one who had been about to eat some looked disappointed as the others said "No, no nuts." "I thought it said no peanuts but we could have almonds", said the hungry girl. "Maybe you could adjust the cleanse to fit what your body needs", said the nosey lawyer waiting to check out.

Maybe my senses were on hyperdrive on the look out for people in various stages of disordered eating or body image issues having just come from the conference, but it was so sad to be that a place that should be filled with people who want strong healthy bodies, was instead filled with people who felt horrible in their bodies or thought that having "no energy at all for 4 days on the cleanse, but then on the 5th day natural energy arose" was good for you. I paid for my tank and skeedaddled.

Yoga class yesterday morning was amazing. We worked on heart-opening back bends, which I need. We concentrated on lifting the heart and bending from the upper back, rather than just collapsing through the lower back which is what I usually do since it feels like I'm bending back more.

I'm traveling today and bringing my food with me since I don't like road food - apples, bananas, cantaloupe, lentils, a ton of chicken wings from Whole Foods for my brother to bbq (yum!). And my dad will make ice cream and someone will bring bread and cheese and there will be wine and beer and much merriment. It should be a very fun family get together with yard work and yoga and woods and waffles with maple syrup from the trees in the woods.

I feel like a bad blogger with no pictures. I'll try to get some this weekend.

Building the Foundation

Yoga class last night was billed as a Foundation class. That means there is more work done on alignment and no headstands or crazy poses. There were 3 older women, and 3 younger women. The teacher said to a few of us who'd been in her other classes "You know this is a Foundation class right?" as though we'd want something else.

But, I always learn something new no matter what the class, and I love the teacher so it made sense for us all to be there.

We worked on some balance poses. I find that I'm better able to get into tree pose (vrksasana), if I focus on a tree outside the window and pretend that I am a tree. I think I need to practice those on my own time also so I can spend some time falling out of the pose and holding the pose and making adjustments as I hold it. Just as she is guiding us out of the pose, I'm sometimes finding my balance and growing taller.

My hamstrings are lengthening and I love it.

I've been following my hunger as my guide and not tracking on Sparkpeople or weighing myself - I'm on day 4 I think. I find that I need to eat early and often in the beginning of the day, breakfast at 6:30, fruit at 10, lunch around 11, another meal at 4pm (usually hummus, pita carrots, and fruit), then yoga at 6, and by the time I get home at 8 I'm still full and maybe just have milk and fruit. It's working for me to not say "no lunch yet it's not noon, here have some pretzels." Much better to just eat the rice/lentil/butternut squash. Yum!

And every time I want to get the scale out from under the bed, I just remind myself "none of the goals I want to achieve have anything to do with my weight." Next step, removing the scale from the room. Then the house.

NSV's

(Non-Scale Victories)

I know that the scale will not go down some weeks, even though good things are happening, and there is still a large quantity of fat covering my body, so I want to keep track of non-scale victories also. Here are a few from today:

• My work pants from today need to be retired as they were rather droopy by the end of the day.  And these were pants that have been too small in the past.  



• I bought new jeans, 1 size smaller, at the Gap today. No more droop there either (why does my bum lose weight? that is where I need padding!) 



• I made sure to incorporate time to do my sit-ups and lift my hand weights before I go out the The Boy's tonight. 

I think dinner is chicken thighs with pesto and vegetables and ciabatta bread. I hope that it is will be ready when I get there. I'm hungry!