How I Lost Zero Pounds With Yoga (and hiking, biking and swimming)

(me and Monadnock)

Back in March I started attending yoga classes on a regular basis, 4-5 days a week. Then as spring unfolded I began biking again, and hiking. Now that summer is here I've added swimming to my weekly activities.

I would love to be able to tell you that the yoga (and other stuff) helped me release the "extra" 30 pounds I've been carrying for a few years. How I've been amazed at how the weight melted off and I've had to get rid of all my clothes and can hardly believe I'm the same person. How my arms look like Madonna's, my quads rival Lance Armstrong's and my abs look like some awesome abs on some amazing person.

But none of that actually happened. And shows no sign of happening. I have no dropped one blessed pound.

Yes, my arms are getting defined, my quads are showing shape (we won't talk about the belly) my strength has increased since that first day in class when I could barely hold my second warrior, I can do upward bow pose, my inversions are better, I sort of kicked up into forearm balance yesterday, my dolphin is swimming and strong, I hung on during the Level 3 class this morning where my teachers were students along side me, I felt amazing and strong during my hike last weekend.

But, folks, I'm still overweight. I'll pause while you gasp and wonder what I must be eating to counteract the hundreds and thousands of calories I'm burning every week. (It's actually the same as I was eating while I sat around and did nothing and didn't lose weight.)

So, that's what's happening here. Yoga and hiking and biking and swimming won't magically make the weight fall off you. They will kick your butt and make you cry and soar and want to give high-fives to people, but they will do nothing at all to the number on the scale. And that's ok with me.

Pardon the Interruption

There is really nothing more boring that talking about weight loss (or lack thereof) because it is a meaningless goal (for me anyway) but just for today I will track what I eat in Sparkpeople. I will not let that overtake my life but it is just so curious to me that I've been doing so much exercise and activity these last 3 months and have not lost an ounce. And my eating habits are the same. Would I weight 250 pounds now if I hadn't been doing all that stuff?

Anyway, I biked 14 miles this morning. My sunglasses dropped an arm at some point during the ride, so on the way home I was riding with them on like they were opera glasses, with the remaining arm wedged between my bandanna and my helmet.

I'm not going to start listing what I'm eating because, again, boring, but I can tell you it will consciously involve more vegetables.

That is all. Have a nice day.

What's My Motivation? (with a happy ending)

So, I just go the proofs from the photographer and all I can think is who is that person? Am I really an amazon with a tiny head but giant face? Do I really have that stupid look on my face all the time? Why do I go out in public? Is despising the way you look in photos a good reason to want to lose weight? Does being motivated by self hatred make a goal any more attainable?

It seems like such a shame to waste the talent and time of the photographer and make up artist.

And then I start to sink into "well, no wonder I'm single" but that's just self-indulgent and stupid because what you look like has little to do with whether someone will love you.

What's the saddest is that this is what I felt like every day 20 years ago. And it still flares up. And it still sucks just as bad. And it's still so much harder to change what's in your brain rather than what's on your body.

bah.

---

Edited to add that after this I biked to the beach and swam for 45 minutes. My mood is much improved. Nothing a little sweat, some endorphins, and the rush of cold water from the sea won't cure.

These Are Better Days

...better days are shinin' through.

That tricky Universe.

I decided to go to lunch time yoga today. I can't go tomorrow night and I figured that it would be a good complement to my bike ride. Well, when I got there the teacher announced that a photographer was coming to take some pictures for a magazine. Eek! My hair! No, actually, I thought "Cool, maybe I could be in a photo doing my sweet yoga moves."

And sweet moves we did. After warming up we decided that headstand might look nice, oh how about some urdva danurasana (upward bow), some ustrasana (camel) perhaps, a nice janu sirsasana (head to knee), and paschimottanasana with our feet together. Oh, and my new supta padangusthasana in which my angusta is in my hasta. What fun to just play around with our favorite poses. And have the photographer (who said she could do padmasana/lotus because "Oh, I'm 19" which gave us all a laugh) saying "wow, that is so cool."

I really hope one of the photos of me makes the cut. What fun that would be.

And then I went shopping, again, for things for my summer wardrobe. I went to the right store, with the amazingly helpful and funky ladies, and came away with 8 pieces that I feel and look fabulous in. Albuquerque mind, indeed, as Sylvia Boorstein puts it.

But it’s a sad man my friend who’s livin’ in his own skin
And can’t stand the company
Every fool’s got a reason for feelin’ sorry for himself
And turning his heart to stone
Tonight this fool’s halfway to heaven and just a mile outta hell
And I feel like I’m comin’ home

~Bruce, of course.

What shall we do tomorrow? The bike seat is fixed. Maybe another ride? What are you doing tomorrow?

Resolved

(Photo source. Tittibhasana)

Ok, this is my resolution. First. I'm going biking tomorrow. I've set out my biking clothes, and will prep the coffee and set my alarm for 5am and get up and bike. 13 miles will bust this funk out. (Ha. I said bust.)

Second. I am getting rid of the shirt I wore today. I realized that every time I wear that shirt it makes me feel like crap. So it's leaving. Along with it's cousins, the Dumpies.

Third. I found a bunch of websites that cater to the large bu sted woman and I've ordered some shirts. We'll see. Bravissimo, Carissa Rose and AJ Rumina. I also found the Red Violet Project which is a woman attorney starting a company to make clothes that fit women like me. Maybe my dream of creating Tits and Asanas, my yoga clothes line for women with bra sizes Danurasana, Down Dog, Eka, Firefly and Gomukasana, is more doable than I think (These ideas are mine all mine. Do not steal them. Or maybe the line is called Tittibhasana.)

Fourth. I think 3 resolutions is enough. Well, really there are only 2 resolutions and one random paragraph. Although I do know that I need to get on my yoga mat on the days I don't go to the studio, I'm not quite ready to resolve that yet.

Also, I think that there must be people who feel at home in their body no matter what the size. I envy those people. Just like I don't spend time thinking about arm hair or my nose or scarring. Maybe I'll just think about my nose and how it never crosses my mind and start there. Strangely (or not) I used to be really bothered by my arm hair in high school. And I also hated my body 40 pounds ago. I would really like not to consider it at all.

And I still don't know what I'm wearing for my photos on Friday.

Some Days

Some days I feel at home in my body and love it. Today is not that day. Today I am annoyed and bothered and wishing either that my body was a very different shape, or that there were more places to buy clothing for the well en dowed woman. Some place to get shirts that aren't too short, that have a waist and don't look like a muumuu. Apparently those shirts that do exist cost around $100-150 and are mostly oxfords or shells to wear under a suit. I think oxfords are uncomfortable and I don't wear suits. Although maybe I'd find them comfortable if they were made to fit me, and maybe I'd wear shells and suits if they actually fit.

Why can't I just have a normal body that can wear cltohes off the rack? Ha. I said rack.

Then I just start to think "oh, it's because you are fat. If you lost weight things would fit you."

I am also wondering why I cut my hair off and thinking that it's either too long or too short but it's just not right. Or I don't know how to do it.

And I'm wondering why I'm getting my pictures taken on Friday when I take pretty much the worst pictures in the whole world. And am full of body hate.

And I know I should be appreciative about what my body can do and not what it looks like, but I'm not there right now.

I keep making changes and having weird regrets about them. And they aren't things that I think would change my life and I'm then disappointed that my life hasn't changed. They are just things I want to change. But maybe slightly underneath I think that if my hair is shorter or I have a new computer at work or my office is rearranged something else will change. But it doesn't. Only the thing that has changed has changed.

This shall pass. I hope. Or maybe I can pass it if I get on my bike or my yoga mat.

Not There Yet

Beware, this is a post in which I complain and generally feel unappreciative towards my body which does so much for me. But I know it will understand.

I tried to go shopping today for new clothes. I should know better than to try to buy things at the TJMaxx Runway section where the size run smaller and are made for women with a much smaller chest than mine. So, I tried on pants and discovered that losing 10 pounds meant that the 12's no longer fit me, and the 10's don't quite fit me. Great. I am an 11. Which would be fine if they made 11's.

And the cute pink dress I found to wear to my brother's wedding just looked like a big lumpy potato sack on a big lumpy potato.

So, I returned my 7 items to the rack, and wandered into shoes, where I got some great shoes to replace a few pairs that were getting tired.

And forward I trudge.

Progress Report

The scale-loss has slowed to a crawl, the kind of crawl that just lies there and doesn't move. Yes, my legs are getting stronger (not sure about my arms yet) but the fact remains that there are still 25 extra pounds on my body that don't need to be there. That have not always been there. And I want them gone. They can come off 1 pound at a time, but I would like them to please go.

Anyway, to that end, I will add in a couple of bike rides this week, and maybe an afternoon swim towards the end of the week depending on what the tides are like.

Positive changes:

- I am no longer sore after hiking.

- My legs are getting toned and stronger.

- I wake up early in the morning, more refreshed & ready to go.

Things to do:

- stock up on sparkling water

- organize kitchen again to make meal prep easier

What do you do when the weight loss slows or stalls?

"Did you get your hair cut?"

I think my double chin might be going away. Someone asked me if I'd gotten my hair cut again, and when I said no, they said it was falling nicely. It didn't dawn on me until later that I think my second chin is getting smaller, which would make my face look different even with the same hair cut.

Eating today: breakfast was english muffin & 1/2 avocado, lunch was dinner leftovers with brown rice and jicama salad, dinner was poorly planned and the same thing as breakfast plus a spicy sausage from Whole Foods. Thankfully, the veggies at lunch were enough to get me all the servings I need for the day.

I think I need more milk. And there is salmon thawing for tomorrow's dinner.

Yoga last night was Shiva Rea's Solar Flow, which I think is in the side bar --> . It was a nice practice but then progressed into back bends, which I really need to work on. It felt good to challenge my body and my mind, and do poses that were uncomfortable and remember when other poses that are now easy were uncomfortable and know that my body will relax and get stronger and more flexible over time. But sometimes I just swear at her and do a different pose.

I am sleepy now. Time to prep the coffee and lunch for morning. Then maybe a little yoga before an early bedtime.

Medium

I'm cleaning on this Sunday night. Dusting, laundry, dishes and cleaning out my closet and drawers again. There are yoga pants in there that are size medium. I think back to when they would have fit me and I can almost picture it. And the skirt that is a size 6, the pants that are 8's. I remember those. I remember the ease of finding clothes that fit, and liking the way they fit me.

I am on my way back there.

I made the fajitas: steak, red cabbage, mushrooms, kale, onion, zucchini. Half of it was packed up with some brown rice for lunch tomorrow.

I am glad to have so many veggies in the house now to build my meals around. It is easy when you don't quite know what to make for dinner but can start by just chopping up whatever veggies there are, rooting around in the fridge for some form of protein and then figuring out what type of grain would go best to tie it all together, and if there's a fat (avocado, butter) or cheese that would top it off.

Goal tonight: 1 hour of yoga.

Droopy Drawers

I guess this could be filed under "Good Problems To Have" or "First World Problems" but it is still an issue.

Every time I start to lose weight, the first place it leaves from is my gut (thank you) and my bum (no thank you.) Then my pants, which have sometimes needed to be altered to stop the dumpy-bum look, sag even more and I can't stand it. I'm on the verge of buying some silicone butt pads to fill out my pants. It's really sad when you think "these pants looked good 7 pounds ago" and you mean 7 pounds more!

So, those pants will be retired and put out to pasture and we'll move to the next level of pants that actually fit and trust that the Universe or the TJMaxx Runway section will provide us with the necessary pants to clothe us through the downward journey.

And I will patiently await the time when I can buy smaller bras and shirts.

In other news:

Breakfast: english muffin with almond butter. milk.

Lunch: egg salad on english muffin. carrot stick.

Dinner: small slice of veggie tart, mahimahi, couscous, red cabbage. glass of Rose'.

Exercise: walked the dog this morning, probably some yoga before bed.