The Journey

I returned to the yoga studio today. Somehow the days slipped by with biking and walking and not yoga. "Somehow" is a cop out. There was no yoga because I didn't do yoga. No somehow about it.

Anyway, I always think that the one hour Friday morning class will be easy because it's an hour. Oh, no. Think again. Teacher and I both want me to get into forearm balance, which meant lots of dolphin and plank. And my favorite flow from parsvakonasana into ardha chandrasana, which felt much stronger and graceful than it has in the past. And I was able to do all my chaturanga dandhasanas with straight legs and then flip up into up-dog without dropping my hips and legs to the ground. It took some brute strength but I'll get to the graceful flow soon enough.

Then we worked on my forearm balance. I can get to down dog, and shift forward to put my shoulders about my elbows, and there the weakness sets in. My arms and shoulders and hands that feel so strong in other poses, just start to feel so weak. So we work. I lift one leg up, then the other. Then rest. Then do head stand to get me upside down, to work on lifting my shoulderblades up (down) my back. Then shoulderstand with my triceps pleading with me to be done.

At the end of Savasana, my teacher read this poem:

The Journey, by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

So, I'm off to stride deeper and deeper into the world, determined to save the only life I can save.

I Lied

I lied. I am going to tell you what I ate today. Because when you are keeping track of your food you want company during such a boring chore.

Pre-ride breakfast: english muffin with almond butter.

Post ride: small bowl of grape nuts.

Snack: Chobani pineapple.

Lunch: cheese ravioli & pesto (from farmer's market) with asparagus and cauliflower.

Dinner: bread & cheese upon arrival home (famished) then kale, leek and mushroom frittata, Harpoon Summer Beer.

The key to today was being mindful. Paying attention (via tracking) to what I was eating, noticing what the computer thought I should eat v. what I knew I should eat due to the bike ride (a couple hundred extra cals), making sure I used veggies as the base of my meals and remembering that more protein at lunch makes me happier.

I boiled one of the two dozen eggs I picked up at the farm down the street. Those will be a good addition to my days.

I was awake at 4am this morning (birds, not insomnia) so I'm foreseeing an early bedtime, another early morning and a bike ride with my new sunglasses.

Pardon the Interruption

There is really nothing more boring that talking about weight loss (or lack thereof) because it is a meaningless goal (for me anyway) but just for today I will track what I eat in Sparkpeople. I will not let that overtake my life but it is just so curious to me that I've been doing so much exercise and activity these last 3 months and have not lost an ounce. And my eating habits are the same. Would I weight 250 pounds now if I hadn't been doing all that stuff?

Anyway, I biked 14 miles this morning. My sunglasses dropped an arm at some point during the ride, so on the way home I was riding with them on like they were opera glasses, with the remaining arm wedged between my bandanna and my helmet.

I'm not going to start listing what I'm eating because, again, boring, but I can tell you it will consciously involve more vegetables.

That is all. Have a nice day.

What's My Motivation? (with a happy ending)

So, I just go the proofs from the photographer and all I can think is who is that person? Am I really an amazon with a tiny head but giant face? Do I really have that stupid look on my face all the time? Why do I go out in public? Is despising the way you look in photos a good reason to want to lose weight? Does being motivated by self hatred make a goal any more attainable?

It seems like such a shame to waste the talent and time of the photographer and make up artist.

And then I start to sink into "well, no wonder I'm single" but that's just self-indulgent and stupid because what you look like has little to do with whether someone will love you.

What's the saddest is that this is what I felt like every day 20 years ago. And it still flares up. And it still sucks just as bad. And it's still so much harder to change what's in your brain rather than what's on your body.

bah.

---

Edited to add that after this I biked to the beach and swam for 45 minutes. My mood is much improved. Nothing a little sweat, some endorphins, and the rush of cold water from the sea won't cure.

Passport To Prana & Studio Review

My friend Stacey and I recently bought Passport to Prana cards so that we can take a free class at 37 yoga studios around Boston (probably fewer than 37 since we'll mostly likely skip the hot classes.) We went to our first one yesterday.

I had been to Healing Tree Yoga in Quincy before, a few years ago. It's just slightly too far and through too much traffic for me to go to it regularly but it's a nice studio. Clean and well lit, but without lockers for your things so people's bag clutter the edges of the room. It doesn't have the nice cork flooring or high ceilings that my usual haunt has, and when class first started the air was absolutely still and I wondered what people have against a nice breeze and some fresh moving air.

Thankfully as class went on, an Anusara class, the instructor turned on the fans and the air since we were working quite hard on our Kali energy. It was a great class - with lots of grounding standing poses, and a fun trip into Wild Thing, a sort of upside-down down dog + side plank + back bend. I could tell during class how much stronger I've gotten these past few months. We also did some more dhanurasana, bow pose,

The class I went to a few years ago had an instructor who stayed up at the front of the room and basically did her yoga practice while we followed along. I don't like this kind of class since if I just wanted to watch someone and not receive any assistance I would do a DVD. In Nikki's class yesterday (as in other classes I've taken of hers) she'd demonstrate a pose for us, and then walk around the room checking our poses, offering suggestions, rooting our hips back into their sockets, reminding us to pull the head of our arm bones back and not letting us just hide in the back of the room to go through the motions.

It was the perfect class for a Sunday morning.

Today is slated to be hot and muggy, thank goodness I'll be in the office in AC all day! Hopefully a thunderstorm will roll through and cool things down later.

Noga

My yoga teacher is out of town this week and even though there is a sub, I'm skipping Level 2 today because it just wouldn't be the same. I'm going to work on the house, on getting rid of all clothes that are not flattering or don't fit or that I don't wear. I will be ruthless.

I got new photos taken for work yesterday. It was very fun. I was feeling good after a yoga class, then I went and got my hair done. I love having my make up done. There is something so soothing about having someone brush and dab at your face for half an hour (except the mascara part which almost made me puke for some reason) and then you look at yourself in the mirror and your face is smooth and flawless and radiant and you look like a news anchor woman. I immediately wanted to buy all of the make up that made me look like that, but I didn't.

Then we did some head shots, and went outside for some more photos. Here's me and me with the photographer and the make up artist. What a fun day!

Please note, my face is not usually that color. It's just the extra makeup for the photos.

These Are Better Days

...better days are shinin' through.

That tricky Universe.

I decided to go to lunch time yoga today. I can't go tomorrow night and I figured that it would be a good complement to my bike ride. Well, when I got there the teacher announced that a photographer was coming to take some pictures for a magazine. Eek! My hair! No, actually, I thought "Cool, maybe I could be in a photo doing my sweet yoga moves."

And sweet moves we did. After warming up we decided that headstand might look nice, oh how about some urdva danurasana (upward bow), some ustrasana (camel) perhaps, a nice janu sirsasana (head to knee), and paschimottanasana with our feet together. Oh, and my new supta padangusthasana in which my angusta is in my hasta. What fun to just play around with our favorite poses. And have the photographer (who said she could do padmasana/lotus because "Oh, I'm 19" which gave us all a laugh) saying "wow, that is so cool."

I really hope one of the photos of me makes the cut. What fun that would be.

And then I went shopping, again, for things for my summer wardrobe. I went to the right store, with the amazingly helpful and funky ladies, and came away with 8 pieces that I feel and look fabulous in. Albuquerque mind, indeed, as Sylvia Boorstein puts it.

But it’s a sad man my friend who’s livin’ in his own skin
And can’t stand the company
Every fool’s got a reason for feelin’ sorry for himself
And turning his heart to stone
Tonight this fool’s halfway to heaven and just a mile outta hell
And I feel like I’m comin’ home

~Bruce, of course.

What shall we do tomorrow? The bike seat is fixed. Maybe another ride? What are you doing tomorrow?

10.5

I said I would and I did.

The bike is going to the shop for a visit today. I rode the hybrid since the roads were wet, but I forgot that the seat post sinks about an inch as I ride so I had to stop 3 times to adjust it. I put it in the back of the SUV right after the ride, and I'll take it to the shop after work to see if they can fix it.

I can't say that the crankiness is entirely gone, but I can say that I will go out with a renewed vigor today to find some shirts/jackets for my photo shoot. Visualizing the perfect thing usually works, so I'll try that before going.

Maybe it's the barometric pressure?

Resolved

(Photo source. Tittibhasana)

Ok, this is my resolution. First. I'm going biking tomorrow. I've set out my biking clothes, and will prep the coffee and set my alarm for 5am and get up and bike. 13 miles will bust this funk out. (Ha. I said bust.)

Second. I am getting rid of the shirt I wore today. I realized that every time I wear that shirt it makes me feel like crap. So it's leaving. Along with it's cousins, the Dumpies.

Third. I found a bunch of websites that cater to the large bu sted woman and I've ordered some shirts. We'll see. Bravissimo, Carissa Rose and AJ Rumina. I also found the Red Violet Project which is a woman attorney starting a company to make clothes that fit women like me. Maybe my dream of creating Tits and Asanas, my yoga clothes line for women with bra sizes Danurasana, Down Dog, Eka, Firefly and Gomukasana, is more doable than I think (These ideas are mine all mine. Do not steal them. Or maybe the line is called Tittibhasana.)

Fourth. I think 3 resolutions is enough. Well, really there are only 2 resolutions and one random paragraph. Although I do know that I need to get on my yoga mat on the days I don't go to the studio, I'm not quite ready to resolve that yet.

Also, I think that there must be people who feel at home in their body no matter what the size. I envy those people. Just like I don't spend time thinking about arm hair or my nose or scarring. Maybe I'll just think about my nose and how it never crosses my mind and start there. Strangely (or not) I used to be really bothered by my arm hair in high school. And I also hated my body 40 pounds ago. I would really like not to consider it at all.

And I still don't know what I'm wearing for my photos on Friday.

Some Days

Some days I feel at home in my body and love it. Today is not that day. Today I am annoyed and bothered and wishing either that my body was a very different shape, or that there were more places to buy clothing for the well en dowed woman. Some place to get shirts that aren't too short, that have a waist and don't look like a muumuu. Apparently those shirts that do exist cost around $100-150 and are mostly oxfords or shells to wear under a suit. I think oxfords are uncomfortable and I don't wear suits. Although maybe I'd find them comfortable if they were made to fit me, and maybe I'd wear shells and suits if they actually fit.

Why can't I just have a normal body that can wear cltohes off the rack? Ha. I said rack.

Then I just start to think "oh, it's because you are fat. If you lost weight things would fit you."

I am also wondering why I cut my hair off and thinking that it's either too long or too short but it's just not right. Or I don't know how to do it.

And I'm wondering why I'm getting my pictures taken on Friday when I take pretty much the worst pictures in the whole world. And am full of body hate.

And I know I should be appreciative about what my body can do and not what it looks like, but I'm not there right now.

I keep making changes and having weird regrets about them. And they aren't things that I think would change my life and I'm then disappointed that my life hasn't changed. They are just things I want to change. But maybe slightly underneath I think that if my hair is shorter or I have a new computer at work or my office is rearranged something else will change. But it doesn't. Only the thing that has changed has changed.

This shall pass. I hope. Or maybe I can pass it if I get on my bike or my yoga mat.

Yang and Yin

Last night my physical exertion finally caught up with me and a sleepy blanket of exhaustion came over me. I lazed on the couch with the Boy and watched a movie.

Yoga yesterday was awesome. The morning class was the perfect level of exertion and just what I needed to stretch me out from the bike ride. We practiced wheel with a strap around my upper arms to help me keep them in, and then once I was up the teacher pulled me up further and forward so I could feel where I'm going. I love those adjustments. And in paschimottanasana (seated forward bend) she gives me this amazing assist to where my face is almost on my shins and my hands were fully past my feet, clasping at the wrists. She even adjusted me in savasana, tucking my shoulder blades under, pulling my arms and legs gently out, and then pulling on my head slightly. It's pretty much like a massage during yoga.

After class I hurried to the farmer's market to stock up on hummus, pasta, kohlrabi, and cauliflower then ate lunch, changed and went back to the studio for the yin workshop.

Yin yoga is essentially holding floor poses for 5-7 minutes to promote deep release in the connective tissue. The quieting Yin, to counteract the active Yang. I can't say it was "enjoyable" since even pigeon pose starts to be uncomfortable after that long, but I think it was good for my body and my mind. And defintely a contrast to the Yang of my bike ride and morning yoga class.

Today I met my mom for a walk by the ocean. I almost rode my bike there but figured I'd give my poor sit-bones a rest for another day. We walked for about 45 minutes, slowly, and enjoyed the breeze. She pointed out to me the spots on her arms where she'd had pre-cancerous lesions removed recently as we both put on SPF 30 sunscreen. I need to be much more mindful of reapplying throughout the day if I'm biking. My shoulders are burned and that's not good.

Later I ate ice cream for lunch (homemade from a little store in town, Grape Nut. Yum.) along with some hummus and pita and an amazing cheese thing from the hummus stand with apricot preserves. Then I watched 87 episodes of Bones and did what felt like 13 loads of laundry, interspersed with opening and closing windows depending on whether it was violently raining or not.

Now I'm eating 2 bowls of steamed cauliflower with olive oil and shoyu, and sauteed kohlrabi and garlic scapes. I think that counts as my 5 veggie servings for the day.

I'm going to fold the clean sheets, revel in the fact that every item of clothing I own is clean and set out my yoga clothes for the week, along with a set of biking clothes just in case.

It was fun to figure out what my body could do this week, and to keep pushing it just slightly beyond where my mind thought was possible. I aim to keep that up. But tonight I aim to just lie here and watch more TV. Just a little more Yin before the Yang of the week kicks in.

Keep Calm and Carry On

I forgot to write about my Thursday night yoga class. I was the only one there (so sad how many folks are missing out on this amazing studio) and she had planned hip openers and ab work. Perfect for the pre-bike ride. I should do more ab stuff at home, my core is not very strong and it will help with so many of my poses.

We did a bunch of ab work, and in supta padangustasana (reclining hand to big toe pose) I was able to hold my toe instead of using a strap. That's progress. And when we were doing standing padangustasana at the wall, I was much stronger than I'd been in the past.

We worked on hanumanasana, monkey splits, and some pigeon. Which is still one of my favorite poses.

My quads are kind of sore and tight today. I thought I was going to skip yoga, but then I realized that the reason I want to skip is because I'm afraid I'll be weak and fall over in class, which probably isn't going to happen. My pride was trying to keep me from going after feeling like such a failure in last week's class.

So, I'm going to go to Level 2/3 this morning, and then go back for the Yin Workshop this afternoon. Because life is short and bodies are made to move.

"Treat your body like an instrument rather than an ornament" ~ Alanis Morrissette

Forty Eight

Things I learned on my 48 mile bike ride along the Cape Cod Rail Trail today.

1. Sunscreen needs to be reapplied after swimming at mile 24.
2. Swimming at mile 24 is awesome, even if you are swimming in your biking clothes.
3. There are maybe 4 enjoyable miles during a 48 mile bike ride.
4. The best parts of a ride like this are planning it and being done with it.
5. Padded biking gloves make all the difference in the world.
6. Yoga helps make your wrists stronger.
7. Yoga helps make your quads stronger.
8. Bringing clean dry clothes for the ride home are the key to a good post-ride experience.
9. Changing into your post-ride clothes in a parking lot is easier if you have a dress.
10. Swearing and cursing and calling on Jesus helps get you through some tough miles.
11. If I ever think I want to do this again, please flatten my tires and take away my shoes.

13.5.2

I rode 13.5 miles total (a few minutes over an hour). The road ended at the ocean and I couldn't go any further. So I stopped and took a photo and turned around.

I have to say that yoga and hiking have made a huge difference in my biking. First of all, I barely feel like I worked out, and this is only my second ride of the season. Second, my wrists didn't hurt at all. This is huge, and due to all my yoga where I'm strengthening my wrists. Third, my lungs didn't burn.

It was just a lovely, early morning, ocean side ride. If I can get out a little earlier, I think it will be better, because by 7am everyone is driving out of the little sea-side town and I was sucking exhaust fumes for a bit.

Now I just feel so good! And of course now I want to drive to the Cape to ride my bike 50 miles on Friday.

We'll see!

(the .2 is because I had a post with the same title last year. So this is version 2)

The Keys To Success

For some reason (birds. singing loudly) I am up at 5:00 a.m. and going biking soon. So, I thought I'd share with you some of the keys for early morning exercise success.

1. Get up as soon as you wake up. Don't lie in bed reading on your iPhone for half an hour and then go back to sleep.

2. Put on your workout clothes right away, while you are still too sleepy to realize what you are doing. Even your socks. Bonus points if you set them out the night before.

3. Turn the coffee maker on. Let the dog out. Feed the dog.

4. Go get your bike out of the Shed of Decaying Squirrels and try not to think about waking any sleeping squirrels that might jump on you, or fly out of the rafters at your head, or crunch beneath your feet.

5. Fill bike tires. Go back inside and have coffee and wake up and then bike.

I'm not sure what the post-bike steps are since I haven't gotten there yet, I just know that last summer I was biking 13-15 miles in the mornings (in the rain!) so I know it's possible. Especially since the birds don't show any sign of hushing up in the mornings.

Also, reading this post by Emily of the Front Burner on my iPhone at 4:30 a.m. totally inspired me to get up.

A Not Unsatisfactory Hike

It rains on the weekends here. Apparently that's its new thing. And I finally had enough of it and decided to go hiking.

I headed about an hour out of Boston to Wachusett Mountain, a ski resort in the winter, with hiking trails in the summer. And a Subaru car show extravaganza on June 13.

I took the Balancing Rock trail up to the Old Indian Trail to the summit. It was drizzley and very very misty. I couldn't see very far ahead of me, and actually had to ask a parking attendant where the mountain was. She pointed up at the fog, and off I headed.

It was a nice hike. Less hilly than when I go to the Blue Hills, but very pretty and with less people (and less litter.) It crossed ski trails on the way up, but I couldn't see more than 100 or 200 feet up or down the mountain, so I'm not sure what it looked like. And when I got to the top (where they were testing the chair lifts) I had no idea what the view looked like. I sat in the windy mist and ate some yummy pasta and studied my map for the 90th time.

I like to study my map when I hike. I kept it in a zip lock bag in my pocket and took it out at every intersection, even those that had signs. It makes me feel like I'm building a new skill when I read a map. It's part of the Midstate Trail, which is what those yellow triangles mark.

It was a rather un-steep hike, the only very steep part being at the very top, where it was rocky and wet. On the way down, I lengthened my poles to give me more balance. And I un-strapped my hands from them in case I needed to let them slide down some rocks ahead of me so I could follow scooting on my bum.

By the end I looked like this.

The car show made my after-hike changing a little more difficult, but thanks to my trusty changing skirt, I was in dry pants and on my way home in no time.

The hike was 3 hours, and I would probably go back again in sunnier weather to try some more of the trails.

Now I'm making some pizza dough, and will add pesto, arugula, fresh mozzarella, vidalia onions, mushrooms and maybe some kale.

There's A Tear In My Ear...

...'cause I'm lying on my back crying during savasana.

Saturday morning yoga just takes it all out of me. Whatever strength or grace I thought I had gets left in a puddle of sweat on Saturday mornings. Today was revolved poses, which make me feel even more unsteady and uncoordinated. My legs are exhausted from holding me up in such an unsteady state, and by the end I couldn't even get up into my last urdhva danurasana, I was just done.

I'm trying to just chill for a bit without feeling like I have to jump into all my Saturday chores, but it's hard to chill when the house needs cleaning and you want to go buy new shower curtain liners.

And twists leave me agitated. They wring out long stored stuff that makes me edge.

So, I'm going to lie around and watch Jillian Micheal's Losing It, and then I'm going to rally and march on.

A Very Busy Day

Today feels like it went by in about 5 minutes. I was leaving my house this morning to meet some new folks, and next thing I know I'm hobbling back home and kicking off my heels wondering where the day went. I got a ton of stuff done and found some great opportunities for work.

Now I'm having dinner which is: 2 eggs over easy and chopped steamed asapargus over rice with a little pesto dabbed throughout. Yum. And contains veggies. I may be eating this for every meal.

I did some outside yoga today after I got home. Some sun salutation with jump backs (the grass is more forgiving than a floor), parsvottanasana (side angle bend), then practiced a whole bunch of hand stands, kicking up from the easy side and the not easy side. And doing some cartwheels to get my body used to being upside down.

Then the mosquitos came to join in and I stopped.

I think I will be having nutella ravioli for dessert. Yoga is at 9am tomorrow. I hope my ankles stop hurting by then.

A Few Things

A few things.

We did handstands yesterday in yoga class. I had gotten to class early and the teacher thought I was going to be the only one in class so she asked what I wanted to work on. Handstands! And not just so I can be like Kathryn Budig and do handstands every where I go. Well, maybe a little bit.

There was one other person in class, a woman with a fused spine who is very strong and adventurous despite her physical limitations - so she's a good person to be in class with.

We did lots of plank, dolphin, down dog - building up strength in our lats, and arms. And trying to push back up from chaturanga, which I still can't quite do. But my arms are getting so much stronger.

Anyway, I was trying to do the handstands at the wall, kicking up from down dog and it just wasn't happening. I had no confidence, no momentum (which I still need at this point) and no success. So, while she was working with the other student on half handstand (where your legs are at right angle to the floor and are flat against the wall) I left my mat and just started kicking up into a handstand in the middle of the floor like I used to when I was 5. And soon enough, there I was on my hands. So, I went back to the wall, kicked up, touched the wall and stayed up for a few breaths, feeling just how strong my arms have to be to keep me up there. Then I kicked up again to make sure I could do it.

Of course I have a million miles to go on this journey, but I now feel like I've seen where I'm going and can visualize myself there. I can practice in my yard, against a tree or on the grass. I can practice kicking up with the other leg, I can trust that my wrists and lower arms will not in fact crumple under my weight (yes, that was a big part of my fear of getting up into handstand.)

My hip & sciatic pain are gone. I went in for a half hour massage yesterday morning. Just the right amount of time for my magician of a masseuse to get all in and around my hips and relax and separate the muscles, and generally improve the state of things. My right bum is quite bruised from the acupuncture & cupping, and my right back thigh has a dark bruise the size of a quarter - that must be the point where I nearly jumped off the table. Lots of things going on back there apparently. Thankfully thong bikini season is a long way off.

And lastly - I seem to have gotten so comfortable with things being uncomfortable that when things start to go right and I feel safe and secure (because work is steady and good, housing situation is falling into place) I get nervous and want to cry. Because I think it can't last, it must end, there's no way I can feel that at ease before something goes wrong. But I am allowed to have things go right. There is no shoe that's going to drop. There is not need to balance out the good by having something go wrong. It's possible for life to be easy and profitable and lovely and full. It really is.

Sleepy

(I can't remember where that image is from, but I love it.)

A stressful day is over, and went well. I had to go to Court which makes me nervous since I don't go often and as I stood at the table with my client, I could feel the floor pulsing with my heart beat. But it was very quick and at the end we got what we came in for and the judge gave us a big smile. All is well that ends well. And it gave me a chance to practice my mindfulness during my anxiety (what is my body feeling? what thoughts am I having?). It was like going into urdva dhanurasana (wheel pose) when I didn't think I could.

I decided against yoga class tonight. I really just wanted to be at home. So I ate some bread and cheese and then decided to do yoga.

Some down dog, plank, mini push ups in plank, forearm balance, then a nice headstand and then shoulderstand. Then I took a 20 minute nap. That might be the best yoga practice ever. And the sound of the rain only improved it. And my recently altered top held up very well through all my inversions, never once needing to be tugged up or over anything. That pleases me.

I'm going to see my massage therapist tomorrow morning to see if she can't work the last kinks out of my hip. I got some nice cracking back there today (the best way is when I turn around in my car in the morning to back out of my driveway and use the passenger seat back for leverage, heavenly twist!) and I think the cross-legged seated forward bend I did today at work really helped to stretch that hip out and loosen things up.

The dog is snoozed on the rug, and I'm about to head up to bed to read.

Night night & namaste.

The Cranks

The crankies have set in. I know what it's from. Some things at work that are nudging at me, but will be finished soon. The feeling of being utterly alone at times. The waiting on the new living space. The sore hip. The sore knees (where did those come from?) The fat. Bah.

I'm having the urge to get rid of all my stuff. Or at least start packing it all up even though I'm not moving until September.

I want something different. I want something new. I want something other.

But for now I'll go take a shower and go to work. And finish up old things and make a plan for something new.

My Hips Don't Lie

This shooting pain down my leg? It's not really about my hip or my sciatic nerve, or my piriformus muscle or any of those things. You see, emotions live in our hips (as Shakira knows) and when things aren't right and I'm not saying what needs to be said and doing what needs to be done, my hips don't lie either. They just start hurting so I get the message. And they send burning shooting pain down my leg, around my knee and into my ankle.

Acupuncture helped. The needles into my hamstring made me jump a bit, but after they were in they felt fine and soon I was dreaming on the table. She also did some cupping on my lower back, and a bit of massage.

Then I went to yoga and my teacher spent some time showing me the hip muscles in the anatomy book before class. She also had me wrap 2 straps around my hips at my sacrum and pull them snug, like a girdle, to give my sacrum some support. This felt really good and I wore the belts (with the ends tucked in) for about half the class.

I feel like if a giant would pick me up by my calf and give me a good shake upside down, he would dislodge my hip out of its socket, and could then give me another shake to get it back in there properly. Lying with a tennis ball under my hip is helping, too.

But also, the work I need to do for this is in my heart and my head.

So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body

~ Shakira

A Note From Lululemon & A Shooting Pain in my Back

I sent Lululemon a link to my last post, since I think giving feedback on stuff is important. They wrote back:

Hi Leanna!

Thank you so much for sending this to us. What an amazing blog post! We get a lot of feedback about the sizing and fit of our clothing from larger chested women, and it's amazing to see such great ideas illustrated so clearly. I will be sending your blog post to our design team for them to look at. Hopefully, it will give them some ideas for future designs geared towards bustier women.

Thanks again :)
Laura

I wonder if we'll see some better designs in the future?

In other news, my sacroiliac joint is out of whack again. Which means shooting pain down the back of my right leg. Thankfully my acupuncturist is next door and I'm going to see her in 5 minutes, and my yoga class is tonight so I can get some help on poses to get it back into place and keep it there.

Hacking My Lululemon, or Yoga Clothes for the Large Chested

Last summer I went into Lululemon to find some tops. I needed something to fit the girls, which are thirty six Dx3, also known as E's. (Trying to avoid terms that will draw people googling for creepy things.) According to the girl at Lululemon, these tops were made for people like me. The tops seemed fine in the dressing room so I bought 3. After getting them home and doing a few yoga moves, I realized there was a problem. (I don't have a before picture of the s-i-d-e b-o-o-b but trust me, it was there.) There was no way I was going to yoga in this. If this was me in tadasana, what would down dog bring??
I took some stretchy material and fixed the problem.
Even leaning over, no spillage. I can salute the sun with the rest of them and not having things falling out during my inversions. I'm sure my teachers will also be happy that I'm not flashing them during class.
Everything covered as it should be! Dear Chip, this is how you actually make tops that fit larger chests (go away creepy google people.) You don't just make longer shelf bras, you actually have to add more coverage on the sides and tops.
Now when I buy tops, which is not at lululemon since I don't really want to have to retrofit a $48.00 top (or this one, which required my shortening the straps after I spent an entire class readjusting it), I do a bunch of yoga poses and sun salutations in the dressing room (or outside in the store if the room is too small) to see if everything stays where it belongs (including the clothing.)

I have found that Lucy's Power Yoga Tank fits amazingly well, and this Zobha one is pretty good, too.

And there you have it. Now if I can just find some spandex by the yard, I may starting sewing all my own tops...

---

Edited to Add: I had to make a few more adjustments on these after the photos were taken. I realized that when I put the tops on, I had the straps in the middle of my shoulders. But, as I raise my arms up and down and go into and out of various poses, the straps move in towards my neck, causing the fabric in the middle to gap. So, I narrowed it a bit so that it stays taut when the straps move up my shoulders as I move. I believe they are now ready for public wearing.

I just laid out 4 yoga outfits for the week. It's more work than you'd think. Each outfit needs a bra, either built into the tank or separate, then a tank, pants that coordinate with the top (not fashionwise but inversion-wise: for shirts that are shorter, I need pants that have a high waist, and pants with a lower waist require a longer tank), and an over t-shirt.

I think I may finally have a clothing system down that will have me not making any adjustments to anything in class except my poses.

These are a Few of My Favorite Things

Yoga on Sat'days with hip op'ning poses

Working so hard the sweat runs down my noses

Flying in crow or just leaving the ground

These are the things that make my world go 'round...

Walking at World's End and passing some bikers,

Talking of times that we've been o'r night hikers,

Scheming and dreaming and planning and more

These are the things that good friends are made for...

When the beach calls

When the woods sing

When your feeling fiiiiiiiine

You simply call up your favorite peeps

and then go have 'sters and wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnne!

A Change of Plans

I was going to hike today. My things were all laid out, my route planned, my lunch packed. My first "real" hike of the season. There was a chance of thunder showers. But then at 4am the horrible thunder and lightning started. My check of the weather on my iPhone confirmed that at my destination it was raining and would likely thunder, too. I'd been on that mountain before in thunder showers, and it wasn't unbearable but it wasn't fun scurrying off the bare top before the lightning struck. So I made the executive decision to bag the hike.

I stayed in bed and slept until 7. Got up and walked the dog in the rain (she is now sleeping happily under a shrub outside.) Had coffee.

Now I'm showered and dressed for yoga. And will then try to find rain pants so I can take a practice walk outdoors in the rain.

Jai Jai Hanuman

(photo source)

We practiced hanumanasana today! (monkey pose)

"It was the greatest leap ever taken. The speed of Hanuman's jump pulled blossoms and flowers into the air after him and they fell like little stars on the waving treetops. The animals on the beach had never seen such a thing; they cheered Hanuman, then the air burned from his passage, and red clouds flamed over the sky . . ." (Ramayana, retold by William Buck)

He lept from Sri Lanka to the tip of India. We did not leap quite that far.

We prepped with some prep poses and then got down on one knee (like in a proposal) with our front heel on the floor off the mat and on a belt (to help it slide) and our hands on blocks by our hips, and then we just slid our front heel forward so that leg straightened, our back leg slid towards the floor and our hands on the blocks helped support us since we can't get all the way to the floor yet.

The teacher said that it's the type of you pose need to work on a little every day and then you can do it, but if you rarely practice it, you'll lose the ability to do it. Like most things I guess.

Some head stands yesterday, and wheel pose for the first time in a while. The rest of class today was awesome forward bends, with some lovely assists.

Now, sleep.

I Found My Angusta!

(Angusta = big toe.)

Supta Padangusthasana (photo source & pose info)

My whole yoga career I have used a strap to do this pose, but last night my hand found my toe!

(photo source)

I was practicing some poses last night - some sun salutations, dolphin pose, plank. Then stretching in halasana (plow pose) and shoulderstand. I was holding my legs straight into my body as I rolled back down to lying down. As my shins were near my face I grabbed my big toes and realized I was in a sort of supta pada pose. I decided to explore it a bit. I lowered one leg down and kept my big toe of my other foot in my fingers and there I was in supta padangusthasana, with my angusta in my hand!

Now, the head of my arm bones could have been a little further back, my knee could have been a little straighter, but my hips were level, my legs strong and my body (and brain) realized that it is possible!

It felt good to be practicing at home. It's what I've been neglecting since I've been at the studio so much. And even though it was 10pm, I still managed to have a nice 1/2 hour practice before bed.

Also, my biceps are more defined which I noticed yesterday, too. Both of those things are good since I was feeling all lumpy and gross yesterday, and it was nice to see that while I may look lumpy on the outside, on the inside I am strong and flexible.

My Favorite Pose (one of them)

This is one of my favorite poses. Janu Sirsasana (pose info & photo source), head of the knee pose. The best part is when the teacher comes over, and moves my ribs over towards the straight leg and helps me melt forward further towards my foot. Today my face was almost on my shin. I love forward bend asssists. My hamstrings love them. They are my favorite part of class. I would not have believed that my hamstrings could be this long, and yet here they are.

And here I am.

Finding My Balance

Whenever I do tree pose, I find myself thinking "I hate this pose. I can't balance. When is it over?" And of course, because I'm thinking that I can't balance, I can't balance.

I need to find some balance in other areas too.

Like my meals. I do really well some weeks having everything planned out and packed and feeling good through the whole day. Then there are days like today where I waited to long to eat breakfast (almond butter sandwich) and then lunch is beets, cauliflower and white rice. And a Sprite because my stomach feels weird and there was not ginger ale. A better choice might have been stopping at Whole Foods for some yogurt and an apple or cheese.

Let's plan better for the rest of the week, shall we?

And even my yoga practice is feeling unbalanced. Last week I went to a Foundation class on Tuesday night, then Level 1 on Thursday night, Level 1 on Friday morning, 2 hour beach walk on Friday afternoon (owie), Level 2/3 class on Saturday morning. Is it any wonder I got sick on Sunday? I need to figure out a good home practice so that during the beginning of the week I am building my stamina and not having so much of it crammed into Thursday - Saturday. I don't want to give up any of my end of the week classes, but I think I need a more intense practice on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday also.

Rallying, Sort of

I woke up at 4:30am, on account of the birds, and thought about all the places I could go if I got up and drove - New Hampshire, breakfast on Cape Cod, etc. But then I realized I could also go back to sleep and rest my body, which is what I did. Until 9:30am.

I thought about riding my bike to World's End but the air is smokey and my lungs were a bit hackey this morning so I didn't. I did clean the kitchen and am boiling some golden beets and eating almost an entire head of steamed cauliflower with Bragg's amino acids on it.

I did not eat enough vegetables this week (unless pesto counts), which may be what led to my getting sick. I need to get back to having them as the base of my diet. Which means buying them. And preparing them so they are easy to grab and eat.

Also, even though I said I wasn't weighing myself, I have. I still haven't dropped a pound. I'm still right around 180 (never below.) And I'm realizing that even though this doesn't matter in yoga class, it might matter when I hike I think. I'm not going back to tracking my food and counting calories, as nothing changed then either, but I will just be conscious of the fact that these hikes will be different because I weigh more. But they will also be different because I am stronger. And older. So, who knows...

For now, I'm going to lie in the sun and read.

Not An Entirely Unproductive Day

I washed my yoga mat with some baking soda and water and hung it out in the shade to dry. I sweated my heart out on that thing on Saturday, and my little feet are always stepping all over it so it needed a wash.

That was the most productive thing I did all day. I lay around and read for a bit. Then went and got some beef noodle soup from the Vietnamese place but I forgot that restaurant beef scares me and they put liver in my soup, so I just ate the noodles.

My arms are still sore. I didn't go see a movie. And now I'm going to bed.

Tomorrow I will wake up well and healthy and at a normal hour, and do things like walk outside and some yoga. Right? Yes.

Rest Day

I long to be able to breathe through my nose. Despite my neti pot, a hot shower with eucalyptus soap and some good old cold medication, I am still whistling through my nose with each breath. My arms are sore. My legs are sore. I am out of eggs and the people I buy them from haven't had any in a while so I don't know what to do. My house is a mess.

I want to walk or hike. I want to put a blanket on the ground and lie in the yard in the sun with the dog until it's time to go see Sex and The City 2.

I want a bowl of pho, or bi bim bap or something spicy to clear all this congestion. But instead I'll have some fresh mozzarella and pesto on potato bread because that's what I have.

And I'll take all the recycling and trash to the landfill. And I'll rest today.

There Are Few Words

There are few words to describe what yoga class was like this morning. I'll try. Hard. Arms. Side plank. Sweaty. So sweaty. Plank. More plank. Crow. Savasana. Tears. Yes, a class so transformative that tears came during savasana.

One of those classes where when you leave you feel absolutely high on life, while knowing that you pushed your body to its limits. One of those classes where in the first 15 minutes you think you are going to die. 40 minutes into it you have to leave the room for a paper towel to wipe the sweat that has been pouring off you, and somehow Sun Salutations become a place to rest and relax. Headstand is restorative and by shoulderstand you could fall asleep. And as you lie in savasana you can't believe what you've done. The poses are mostly all the same as all the other times. But the sequencing, the holding, the concentration. Lord have mercy.

Now, nursing a cold in the right side of my head. Hungry but not hungry. Hoping some ravioli with arugula and almond pesto will be helpful. Just wanting to lie down and wake up well.

I really wanted to hike tomorrow or Monday. My body (below the neck) feels fine. My head apparently thinks some resting is in order. And lots of nose blowing.

Because I Can

Woke up sore this morning. Am hobbling around making my coffee, readying my things for my day: shower, farmer's market, yoga, family get-together.

I briefly considered not going to yoga. But then I realized that the ability I have to move my arms and legs, and the access I have to a wonderful teacher are gifts that I should not turn away from and cannot take for granted. And the fact that I do not have children that need to be tended to or cows and goats that need to be fed means this time is all mine to do as I please. Again, a gift.

What gifts have you been given today that you will not waste?

Wring It Out

Today's class was all Parivrttas, revolved poses. Basically you take poses that are already challenging - trikonasana (triangle), ardha chandrasana (half moon) and you revolve them so that your torso is twisted the opposite way it normally is. Yes, it's about what it sounds like. Awkward and even more challenging.

Then Stacey and I had a the bright idea to take a two hour walk on the beach, and were both hobbling by the end and in desperate need of some stretching. Walking on sand works so many more muscles than walking on cement and our poor hips and legs were not happy. Thankfully our planned hike had already been moved to next week! I came home and read with my legs up the wall for a while, and tried to stretch out some more.

Now I shall list the parts of my body that hurt: the second toenail of my left foot which apparently does not like my sneakers and is threatening to turn purple, my ankles, my hips, my hip flexors, my glutes, my trapezius, 11 other muscles whose names I don't know. Thankfully my level 2/3 yoga class is not for another 14 hours so I should be fully recovered by then. Right?

My plan to steam and eat some cauliflower was thwarted by the drunk person who drove into a telephone pole near my house and made the electricity go out for an hour and a half. Now I'm too tired to cook and shall just finish the laundry, lay out my clothes for tomorrow and head to bed.

This is the glamorous life of someone who decided at age 37 to find out what her body was capable of and wring the life out of it (or, rather, back into it.)

No Sweat

I did not remain feeling like a beached whale the entire, despite my lack of posting. I went to the Tuesday night Foundation Class (where I realized that it is easier to balance if my friend with the paisley mat is in front of me, because my drishti can be on one of the paisleys and I don't topple over.)

Last night was the level 1/2 class and we did some forearm balance practice and I did 2 headstands. I worked on building the strength in my lats, triceps and lower arms since that is what I need to get me confident and strong enough to get up into hand stand and forearm balance. I felt nice and strong after class, and ready to go to the 8am class this morning. Just after my coffee and I spend some quality time together.

I bought a new day pack yesterday, in blue. When I first put it on, it felt all wrong but then the guy put a 10lb sand bag in it, and started adjusting all the straps and all of a sudden it felt perfect. Very glad I had help buying it or I would have left with nothing. My pack that I use now is, I think, a snow boarding pack. I bought it 5 years ago because it was smallish, but in the summer the very cushiony back makes my back very hot and sweaty and I get miserable about it. My new one has a mesh panel that sits away from the rest of the pack to allow air flow back there. This pleases me to no end. And it has a built in hydration bladder so I can hike without stopping for my bottles.

I think after 5 years, and all the little hikes I did last summer and so far this year, a new pack was just what I needed. The old one will be my winter pack, or a loaner if someone needs it.

Off to yoga!

Beached Whale

I decided to skip yoga class tonight and come home. I've decided that while I like tonight's teacher, I'm not crazy about her (and sometimes feel like she's phonin' it in) and so I should just come home, put on my yoga clothes and eat gorgonzola on baguette and drink rose'. And then make a bunch of sauteed leeks, mushrooms and zucchini and mix it with shrimp and put it over rice.

Which I did. And now I'm totally stuffed and feel like a beached whale. My belly is too full. Stupid delicious cheese that makes me lose all sense of when to stop eating. (But am hoping the veggies digest fast and I don't feel like this all night.)

My plan: go clean up the kitchen, get the clothes off the line, go visit with the dog, do a yoga journal podcast around 8pm or so, or just beach myself on the sofa and read.

It Just Keeps Getting Better

Yoga was amazing this morning. I was kind of nervous to go to the Level 2/3 class with this teacher but I am so glad I did! I was the only person in class and we worked very hard. Well, I worked hard, she told me what to do and gently pushed and pulled me to get my hamstrings to lengthen. And lengthen they did (I iced them after class to prevent hobbling tomorrow.) She said I "rocked" the class, and coming from her I am very proud and glad to hear it. I have to say, the short hair was awesome. No more fiddling with my bandana during class, or adjusting some little pony tail. I just stuck on little clip on the side and proceeding to sweat my little heart out.

We experimented with bhujapidasana, shoulder pressing pose, which made me realize my wrists still need more strength. I was able to get up so that I was sort of sitting on my upper arms, and my feet were together, but they weren't quite ready to leave the ground. And really, more core work will help me in all of my poses. Like stupid tree pose that I topple over in.

I was famished by the end of class, and have found that whole goats milk is an amazing rejuvenator. The right amount of fat and protein and deliciousness to sustain me until the "Taste of ..." event which was basically a street fair of about 20 restaurants sampling their different wares -

• a mini clam bake (above)
• butternut squash and crab bisque (yum!)
• 3 different pulled pork sliders, the ones with cole slaw were the best
• some thai noodles
• a little slice of pizza
• a short bread cookie
• gazpacho (awesome)
• a bit of cheese & salami

All that was missing was a beer sample to settle my stomach after all that. I came home and had half a beer and took a nap. That's my yoga reward - food, beer and napping. And the clothes. I mean, inner peace is my reward. Om?

Weighing My Options

(me with my patented "take the photo from slightly above because it hides the extra chin" move. Sheet thrown over the back seat is to protect it from the dog.)

I'm lying in bed with my coffee, having just thrown little cookies about the yard to keep the dog occupied out there so I can have quiet morning time. I cut my hair short yesterday, and forgot for a minute when I woke up. Then I realized that short hair gets much more bed-headish than longer hair, which is easily rearranged into some sort of hip style.

I cut it because I was putting it back too much, in bandannas and hair bands while I walked or hiked or did yoga, and those things just started to annoy me and get fussy - so off it came. I love it.

I'm weighing my options for today - the day is chalk full of them: 9am beginning yoga, 10:30am level 2/3 yoga with a new teacher (wishing there was a some middle ground there), driving to a "Taste of..." event downtown, biking to the event (wishing I had a cruising bicycle with a big basket), driving to Cape Cod with my bike and biking there (probably won't happen), prancing around in my new yoga clothes and doing my hair. See, there are just so many things to choose from.

I fit into another pair of size 10 jeans yesterday. I had noticed my 12's were feeling baggier (remember "baggies"? those pants from the 80's that were all baggy and pleated and had elastic in the cuffs? um, no, I don't either), but I thought they just needed to be washed. I don't know if I've lost weight because I took the battery out of the scale.

Alright, it's 8:15 which is a proper time to get out of bed and make some decisions. Or at least go buy some hair products and do my hair all day.

Restored

I love practicing yoga at home. Because when I do a nice calming restorative practice I can just roll right into bed, no driving necessary.

The restorative practice needs a bunch of pillows or bolsters, so that you are fully supported in the postures. I did a supported shoulder stand, a nice long supta badha konasana (reclining bound angle) lying on bolsters, then a seated forward bend with a small pillow on my legs since I wasn't quite stretched out enough to rest my head fully on my knees. Then, of course, savasana with a bolster under my knees and a blanket on me.

Slept like a rock until 5:30am when the woodpecker and his friends decided to start tweeting and pecking for breakfast outside my window.

Slug Day

No class last night. Oysters last night. And soft shell crab over pea shoots. And a few mussels. Yum. And some cake. I was like the mother at the table finishing everyone's dinner so it didn't go to waste. Because you can't waste soft shell crab or mussels.

And I watched the Biggest Loser and got all teary eyed, of course.

Today is grey and rainy and I feel sluggish and lazy. Like I could start to slide off track. Skip class. Go home and have pizza and lie around.

It's the sort of day you wish you had your own little Heidi bed to cozy up in (like the one in the cabins we stay at when we visit my dad, pictured above. It's a little bed built into the wall with bookshelves around it. It's awesome to lie on with your sister or niece and drink wine).

And my yoga teacher is taking a little vacation which means I have to get used to a new teacher.

All these forces conspiring to send me home and aweay from the gray rain. I promise I'll roll out the mat when I get there.

Putting Myself Down for a Nap

I had the best nap today. I worked in the morning but was feeling all out of sorts in the afternoon. I came home and decided to take a nap. I slept from 3:30 to 4:40 which seems to be the perfect time for a nap, because you can wake up at 4:30 and have plenty of time for a trip to the grocery store and then yoga!

I must have needed the nap because I actually fell asleep. Sometimes, I just lie there, deeply relaxed but not relaxed enough to sleep. The last 2 days I have actually slept, which I think is good progress.

Class was good. They are starting to fill up now, which is good for the studio. We did some balance poses which I need to work on, and urdhva dhanurasana (upward bow, or wheel) which I love now. I feel so strong and good in it. We had a rushed handstand time, which I couldn't do after a few tries so I did headstand instead just to have some nice upside down time. I wish she'd given us more time to work on things. It wasn't the owner, who usually does give us lots of time to work on new things.

What else? I did not eat one vegetable today. Breakfast was rice and hard boiled eggs. Second breakfast was rice and a hard boiled egg. Lunch was cheese ravioli from the farmer's market. Post yoga snack was pita and hummus and an english muffin with goat cheese. Not sure what today's extremely unbalanced eating was about, but I got some broccoli rabe and leeks and yogurt and I know the rest of the week will balance out.

Also, I keep stepping on the scale because I think that something must change there. But it doesn't. I will take the battery out tonight. Then I can still step on it and will be about as useful as it was before.

Best dinner ever

Hike. Yoga. Eat. Nap. Eat. Perfect Sunday.

Dinner:

2 boneless chicken thighs.

A bunch of chopped mushrooms.

2 chopped leeks.

A little goat cheese.

Milk with cornstarch.

Salt, pepper, sage.

Capers.

Whatever pasta you like.

Put pasta water on and cook as directed. Chop chicken thighs into bite size pieces and saute. Add mushrooms, leeks, salt, pepper and sage. Cook over slow heat so the leeks don't burn. Add some goat cheese (or parm if you don't have goat), capers and the milk with cornstarch to make a little sauce. Add a little pasta water if it needs thinning. Keep warm. When pasta is done, gently mix it into the pan with the chicken & veggies. Check seasonings and enjoy!

The perfect early Sunday dinner for a hungry girl.

Never Surrender!

(Boston in the distance)

Back up at it this morning. I don't know who I've become. This person who bounds out of bed on a Sunday morning for a quick hike with friends, and then stops at the free yoga class at lululemon on the way home because the timing worked out just right. Crow again, yay!

Or maybe this is who I've always been and it was hidden inside. Maybe this is my true nature.

Lunch was goodies from the farmer's market: pita with hummus, baba ganoush and some tuna spread. Perfect refueling food.

At one point during these last couple of weeks, I though "am I doing too much yoga? Is this safe" and then I realized that all those months and years I was doing nothing I never asked "am I too lazy? Is this safe?" I realized that as long as I'm listening to my body, feeding it well and guarding against injury (with things like safely aligned yoga poses) I can pretty much do whatever I can do. And it feels good! The soreness is just soreness, just new muscle fibers growning, just changes happening.

And even though I still haven't lost any weight (yes, I stepped on the scale again. Just to see.), I can fit into some size 10 hiking shorts I bought for $19 at lululemon a few months ago and could barely pull up past my hips. And now they fit and are comfortable. Which just reinforces the fact that the number on my scale has little to nothing to offer me.

Surrender

Very little grows on jagged rock. Be ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up where you are. You've been stony for too many years. Try something different. Surrender. -Rumi

I feel crumbled today. Like my yoga practice over the past weeks has finally cracked the shell so my soul is starting to be exposed. It's exhausted my body so there's just a thin wall between my insides and the outside. I feel sad and tired. I think it's bedtime.

Sleeping in Shoulderstand

What can I say about class today? I was grumpy, cranky, sweaty, tired, sore, and when we attempted Vishnu's couch (anantasana) I became positively miserable because I couldn't balance and was very annoyed. I remained annoyed through Sun Saluation B (with chair pose) and too many planks to count, until she said we were going to do salamba sarvangasana, supported shoulder stand and my favorite pose.

Oh, how I love that pose. The teacher was helping the other people in class with it, so I just went up and rested there. It is such a peaceful pose, I could almost nap in it. It restored my energy and lifted my spirits and I felt much better for the rest of class.

Every single one of my muscles is sore right now.

I went to the farmer's market after class. Not too many veggies yet, but I did get hummus, baba ganoush, fresh pita and fresh ravioli.

My house is in desperate need of cleaning, which needs to commence now.

Why Walk When You Can Fly?

Crow pose yesterday. Along with lots of plank, chaturanga with no need for bent knees(!) and more things to make my core stronger.

Then a little after work stroll with Stacey which was actually a 2 hour walk on the beach. Towards the end my legs were feeling a little lopsided from the sloping sand so we got back on the pavement.

Today my entire body is feeling yesterdays work outs. The level 2/3 yoga class is today at 10:30am, but I think I have to skip it.

Dinner was cheese and crackers and a little wine at an open house afterwards. I seriously need to clean my kitchen and buy some groceries so that I can have actually dinner.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm going to yoga! And then the farmer's market for veggies and homemade pasta and coffee and flowers!

Not a Fluke

(photo from yoga journal, link below)

My urdhva danurasanas (upward bow) poses the other night were not a fluke. We did more last night! And practiced dancer pose. For some reason last night my size 10 feet shrunk to the size of a postage stamp when I was trying to do balance poses. I swear I could feel one of them shrinking in on itself while I stood there.

We first practiced dancer just standing in the middle of the room, working on the balance and pushing our foot into our hand. Then we went over and stood in front of the wall so we could use the wall for balance with our front hand, and could then really concentrate on the back bend part of it and getting that feeling down while not worrying about toppling over. Then we practiced without the wall again. I need to work on more balance poses and visualizing my foot growing and rooting rather than shrinking.

I'm going to the 8am class this morning. It's only an hour and I might be the only one there so the teacher asked what I wanted to work on. I ran through my head of what I've worked on this week: forward bends, back bends, twists, inversions, balances. Quite a week. "Do you want to work on abs?" she said. Oh, yes, that's what was missing. So 8am core yoga it is.

I want to get some stretchy fabric and make myself some wide bands to hold my hair back. I have some bandanas but they sometimes slip out. And then I want to retrofit some of my yoga tops with an additional few inches of fabric on the bottom so they don't come up when I go upside down. I'll have to post a picture of the lululemon top I had to retrofit so that it actually fit a person with a large bust and not just what lululemon thinks a person with a large bust looks like. I'm going to be sewing eye pillows for the studio, so I might as well sew some more things if I'm firing up the machine.

Drop and Twist

I just dropped half of an english muffin with goat milk brie on it into the dog's water dish. Oh how sad. And sadder that I thought for a half second, "can I somehow still eat that?" Don't worry, it's in the trash.

Yoga was awesome tonight. It was a nice slow, quiet class. We did twists and forward bends which feel so good and wringy. When we were doing paschimottanasana (seated forward bend) the teacher came over and put her feet right in front of mine, so my feet had to stay flexed. Then she leaned forward and held my feet, and I leaned forward and held her feet. That definintely helped get me deeper into the pose (and put more of the stretch in my calves.) I love hands on (0r feet on) adjustments.

My left side is much tighter than my right. I notice it in so many postures, and even the rolls of flesh on that side of my waist seem to be more in the way. That might be because I'm collapsing more when I bend to that side so they just feel more in the way. I will try to remember during my home practice to give some more time to Ole' Lefty.

Good night!