Saturday, June 14, 2008
It's How You Feel, Not How You Look
I loved seeing the scale go down, the tape measure show smaller number, getting rid of too-big clothes and buying smaller ones. And I loved how my body got stronger and more fit. And then the anxiety hit. And what size I was wearing or how fast I could walk didn't matter. All that mattered was trying to breathe so my heart didn't pound out of my chest. And trying to keep just moving forward no matter how much things felt like they were going to spin out into the ether.
I went to the acupuncturist yesterday, finally. Some ear needles, and some under my collar bone and below my belly button and after a half hour on the table I could feel things shift. He also recommended trace minerals, since if you get dehydrated and your trace minerals get unbalanced that can cause anxiety. So I have these drops from the Great Salt Lake. It tastes like concentrated sea water, but if it will rebalance things, I'll drink sea water. And take my flax seeds.
The point of this is that when I was having the anxiety over the last couple weeks, I would have taken those 12 pounds back in a second if it meant I would have felt better. Of course it is possible to both be at a comfortable weight and feel good, but what matters most is feeling good. And making sure that things are good on the inside.
Today is a good day. My appetite is back and my fridge is full again with chicken and pork and yogurt and green things and water and grapefruit juice. I bought an orange blossom tomato plant at the organic farm (the picture above [from the internet, not the farm] is what they will look like when they have grown) I might sew. And lift my weights. And put the kayak rack on the car. And later I will make pesto and arugula pizza to share with The Boy.
And I'll continue down this path to better fitness, being ever mindful of what is going on inside as well as out.