Yoga today felt like ballet class. In Russia. None of the lovely fun poses from yesterday, just hard hard work. As though we were standing at the barre doing the same positions over and over until our muscles ached. And as though someone was walking around with a switch. And all I wanted to do was pirouette around the room.
At one point during prasarita padottanasna C (standing wide legged forward bend) with our hands clasped behind out backs and then coming up over our heads as we leaned forward, the teacher came and stood beside me, planted her leg in front of mine (so I couldn't bend my knees) and then pushed my hands forward keeping her hand on my back so I couldn't come up. It was an alarming adjustment, mostly in my mind because it felt so uncharacteristically harsh, but also in my hamstrings. I held it with a twisted face trying to breath through it. I know I could have said "stop" and almost did, but I breathed instead. My hamstring was fine. My brain was not.
My Saturday teacher is a wonderful teacher, an Ashtangi, but physically the classes are so hard for me. A lot of junk was bubbling up in class today. That's another reason I find them so hard. In my other classes the teacher and I will talk a bit, laugh sometimes, while still working hard and making progress on things. On Saturdays, there is no release of that energy or frustration. It just bubbles and simmers and swirls around in my brain. I think that's why on Saturdays 80% of the time I end up crying by the end of class. Not huge blubbery crying, but yoga crying.
There are no more Saturday classes until Fall, so I'm going to use that time to build my home practice. I bought an Ashtanga DVD which I haven't watched yet. I feel like I want to use these next 6 weeks or so to get my head and my body in order so that these classes aren't so tough.
It is so humid today. I need to figure out what to do with the farmer's market veggies so they don't wilt all over the place. And then move them so I can hang out there.